After reading CAG's posts regarding some slander going around the office about her, I was inspired to write about this topic.
I happen to work in a field where females are in the minority. If you speak to my manager, however, he'll tell you something entirely different but the fact of the matter is - women just aren't prevalent. I'm not going to sit here and cry about injustice or anything but I know that I have to work harder, be tougher, whatever.
I know that my silliness and friendly demeanor are perceived by some negatively - but its also been one of my greatest strengths. I hate to say this - as much as I hate people sometimes... I'm a people person. This helps in my line of work and most of my business contacts love me.
Last year, I experienced my first real dose of how being a woman around here can be shitty. I was going for a promotion that quite honestly should have been HANDED to me on a silver f'n platter but instead, I had to jump through hoops and do a song & dance for management. I was pissed and confused since I had been an asset to this group for several years. I possessed the knowledge of all the systems and even was one of the few who helped launch the products. Why am I not getting promoted? I turned to my mentor for guidance.
She gave me some great words of wisdom and acknowledged that its a tough environment for women. I agreed and thanked her for her help.
Then I got kicked in the back. I won't say stabbed because it wasn't that serious but the kick still hurt. I had found out from another manager that my mentor was in fact giving me negative reviews. Wha...?! None of this was conveyed directly to me. What's the deal?
So whatever. I got promoted but it wasn't a pretty ride to get here. I guess what really hurt me the most was that I felt betrayed not only by my own mentor, but by my own gender. All of the women around here agree about the challenges we face because we have vaginas where babies sometimes fall out from... so you'd think we'd unite and back each other up, right?
WRONG.
Its the woman around here that are the gossip-mongers, mudslingers, back-stabbers, and overall turds. And its infuriating! I guess the viewpoint around here is that there are only X number of positions for women so we're all scrambling to kick the others out of the way.
CAG's situation has me super pissed and I told her she should take her grievances to HR. See - on top of the overall hardships women face in this industry... when you add being young and single to the mix, forget it. You're screwed. Ever since a ring was put on my finger, I have seen how perceptions about me have changed and its absolutely ridiculous.
CAG is being accused of trying to seduce a young engaged fella... a fella whom she's friends with outside of work. Where is this accusation coming from? Because she talks to him. Oh no! The scandal! She MUST be trying to break up his engagement because she's single and has boobs.
Do you guys see this in your workplace? How do you handle it?
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8 comments:
I hate it when women back stab. That's why I try to associate with more men than women.
None of this catty bitchiness should go on in the professional world, but it does. And it's sad.
Twink…You….are….amazingly…HILARIOUS!!! From now on, I mustn’t eat while reading your post. Rule of thumb going forward…
Yes, my tits have been both a gift and a curse. LOL In addition, I don’t think I’m drop dead gorgeous, but I’m often hated on by the mudducks in our office, and the world, that are secretly(and sometimes way too openly) hating on me for no reason at all. The situation with “Miss Dragonbitch” has presented a huge dilemma. While I want to run to my contact in HR because she is one of my “work moms”, I’m really afraid to because the “engaged party” is really afraid of losing his job and as you know his position(not to be confused with skills) tends to be extremely expendable especially if he pisses off a manager. In addition, if I were to file a complaint, what would really happen? It would be on file, my friend would lose his job, and she’ll probably get promoted next quarter. (You know how flawed and seemingly useless the grievance process is here.) On the other hand, I let him know how serious I am about this situation being handled and if necessary, I might have to speak to her myself! He said he understands whatever I decide to do, but I can tell he’s really nervous. It’s definitely something that’s not so cut and dry. I have to really think about what I’m going to do. Don’t worry. I’ll figure it out. However, if you see me walking down halls with my fists balled up, please stop me immediately! :-)
As for our manager…no comment…Actually I do have something to say. LOL I totally feel where your coming from. I too had the ‘promotion’ dilemma in the past and was told I was nothing more than a note taker lacking any sort of analytical ability. WOW I know, but oh so true. All those times of going above and beyond by staying late, coming in on the weekend since I was the only (single) person available, and being at the beckon call of any of his requests didn’t matter. I felt like I was used like a $2 whore and left out to pasture. Ever since then I lost every ounce of respect for him and only do what’s required or my position. You know level 3 – meets expectations (Average) Even though I’ve been promoted since then, I secretly despise him. I pray for his downfall all the time. lol..Okay maybe I’m being dramatic, but I hated him for a long time. Then I realized he just lacks any sort of management savvy and/or intelligence. I don’t know how he still has a job, but I guess that goes back to your original point of needed to right physiological makeup in order to progress professionally around here. (Ooooo do I sound bitter…lol…I hope so because I am. :-)
I'm learning it's like this everywhere. Even in fields where the women to men ratio is fairly even. Women are catty and will do whatever it takes to keep climbing the ladder. I don't like it, but that's the game. And those that play, play to win.
I wish I had a solution but it's sort of "damned if you do, damned if you don't." Play the game, feel like a horrible person. Don't play the game, keep your head down, nose clean, and you'll get overlooked.
Good topic by the way.
I'm probably the wrong person to ask. The only reason I got an office job was to sexually harass women.
I'll weigh in on your next post.
I work in HR, a field that is dominated by women. There is so much gossip that goes around this office that I don't even think twice about it anymore! It's not hurtful gossip but it still can get distracting.
FUCK THAT SHIT. A mentor relationship is sacred. They're supposed to be there to help and guide YOU not give feedback on you. Ihope you found her home and shit on her doorstep, then yelled "free cunt lessons outside!!!" so she'd run out and step in it.
~*hmm...this is a tough one. i'm not trying to categorize, but did you ever notice that women who back-stab other women, usually dont have many strong friendships with females? honestly, she probably back-stabbed you at work cuz outside of that...you're the one with the friends. thats all she has. i hate women drama. it serves no purpose. dont you think?
the thing that sucks about the glass-ceiling...is that its women like your mentor who will never allow that ceiling to move.
This sounds allll too familiar. I still think about that bizatch who backstabbed me at my first job and wonder where she is now...right after the incident, she ended up having an affair with someone at the office and had to leave the company. so classy!
oh, and congrats on your promotion! :-)
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