To all the married or soon-to-be married folks out there - do you find that your viewpoint on weddings has completely changed? Or am I just crazy?
Prior to getting married, I never really paid attention to details. Sure I noticed if the bride's dress was nice and maybe commented here or there about flowers and food but to tell you the truth - I have a hard time remembering the details of the weddings I attended prior to my own wedding planning.
I don't know if the fact that I've gone through the planning process of a wedding and therefore had to worry about details that I now notice details of other weddings or if it was my fascination with sites like WeddingBee and shows like 'Whose Wedding is it Anyways?' that shifted my focus. Either way - I can't help but focus on details.
Aside from details - my viewpoint on how I should be treated as a guest or invitee has also shifted. I never wrote a Thank You note until my wedding (well - bridal shower). I didn't realize the importance of them but now understand why so many family members were offended when I didn't send them a Thank You card for sending me a graduation gift. Its f'n rude to not thank someone!
Someone tried to sell me some cop-out about how a person they knew said they'd rather thank people in person. That's crap. It's so easy to walk up to someone and say "Hey man - thanks!" but to actually take the time out to write a nice note? That takes a little effort. And I love getting mail!
I'm griping right now because we have yet to receive a Thank You card from one of The Mr's friends. I know it's lame to get bent out of shape over this but you have to keep in mind the following:
- The girl RSVP'ed to OUR wedding 2 people (her and her fiance)
- About 2 weeks prior to our wedding (and after the final headcount was submitted), she cancelled her fiance. Okay - no real biggie because things happen. I get it.
- While she did travel from NY, she was able to stay with her parents (for free!) and managed to turn the weekend into a wedding related weekend for herself. So quite honestly - I don't feel so bad about her traveling down.
- The gift? She signed her name to her parents' card. Now I understand perhaps not being able to get us anything but she could have at least splurged the $2 on her own card and signed it from her and her fiance… you know, the one that cancelled at the last minute?
So she got married about a year later in NY. Due to my being in school and the bajillion other weddings we are in this year, we couldn't really squeeze in the weekend trip up to her wedding. We did, however, send a pretty generous gift considering everything that I wrote above.
That was in April. We have yet to hear anything. At first I just figured she was a person who didn't write Thank You notes and that irritated me but then I found out that she did send a Thank You note AND picture to my in-laws! What does this mean? It means she purposely didn't thank us! Say what?
I'm about thisclose to driving up to NY to kick some ass and enforce some basic rules of politeness.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know you're shaking your head like, "who the f cares?" I do. I f'n care. I don't like when people are blatantly being rude to me.
Another part of me (the part that wants to give her the benefit of the doubt) wonders if the gifts ever made it to her? Our credit card was definitely charged… so do I follow-up with a nice e-mail? Or should I just leave it alone like any other normal person?
Yarg! So how do you feel about Thank You cards?
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11 comments:
Well, I'm like you in that I was never good about thank-you cards until my bridal shower.
But I also can think of at least one wedding we attended, got a pretty good gift and have yet to be thanked. I'm not bitter about it, but I'm definitely aware.
I am all about the thank you card. You get one from me for birthday gifts, coming to visit me (except the MIL), letting me stay at your house, taking me to dinner, Christmas, about every damn occasion you can think of. I just think people really understand how much you appreciate them if you send a thank you card. I was okay about them until my wedding and then I became much more insistant about them.
And I totally made my husband write the ones to his people / family so I didn't get overwhelmed. I think it made it so much easier on me. But then I am a freak who does a handwritten font on my Christmas cards.
I am so BIG on thank you notes. I think that's definitely due to my parents not letting me use/play with/spend whatever I received unless I sent a thank you first. Like the commenter above, I send thank you's for every little thing.
And wow, I agree, it does sound like that bride snubbed you! When I don't receive a thank you for a gift that I mailed, I get really nervous that it was never received and then think that maybe that person thinks I'm rude for not sending a gift. I really worry too much for my own good!!
It drives me bonkers that people don't know how to properly thank someone.
I've always been a Thank You not writer (ah, grandparents who enforced etiquette!) but since my wedding, yeah, I notice more how other people do (or don't) do things...
I've always been a big thank you note person. I would be peeved if I didn't get a thank you for a generous gift. We had all of ours out in about a month but I know some people are slow. I would for sure send a nice email just wondering if the gift arrived.
I would say my views on weddings have changed since planning my own. I've always been someone who will RSVP on time even before I realized how important it was. I don't really get how people can be so inconsiderate when it comes to sending back and already stamped RSVP card. I'm getting mad just thinking about it.
I can't recall many details about the weddings I've attended (unless I was in them) except for the food. I always remember the food!
Here's the thing...ettiquette says she does have up to a year to send a thank you for a wedding gift. You also have a year from the wedding to send a gift. I had a good friend that didn't send thank you's until a year was almost up. In this case you know that she has sent at least some already but, when you have a lot of them to do sometimes it's easier to send them in waves. So don't jump to conclusions just yet :)
April of last year or this year? Donna Summer. Say it as it would appear in a phone book, now slower. Slower.
Do you want me to go knock on their door and kick some butt?
Or another thought -- Maybe her Thank You card got lost in the mail?
oh man. i am the queen of thank yous, or at least i try to be. it's easy enough to do, doesn't take a long time, and the person truly appreciates that you appreciate their effort, time, or gift. and yes, i'm offended if i don't get one.
i also wonder if i don't get one...did they get the gift? did they hate it?
plus it gives me a great excuse to buy expensive stationery.
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