Am I allowed to go to the bathroom?

Ahh - the weekend recap. I'll briefly summarize the non-exciting stuff so I can talk about what was really fun… My first Drag show!

Saturday morning was the Dragonboat practice and guess what? It was cancelled! There was a crazy thunder/lightning storm that night and a small craft advisory was in effect all morning. I was slightly relieved to be able to go back to bed but was a bit perturbed that I had even gotten up and driven to the marina to begin with. This is where I think the "leaders" of this team should be a little better with contact info. How about collecting our contact phone numbers so you can call us to let us know of the cancellation?

I went back to bed for another hour and half and then began the day of errands. The Mr. is starting school next week (eek!) and wanted some new clothes. You don't need to twist my arm to get me to shop. One of the highlights of the shopping excursion was when a very friendly rep at Banana Republic gave The Mr. a discount on a pair of pants (that weren't on sale) because he had removed all the hangers while standing in line. Apparently the guy found this gesture to be very thoughtful and wanted to repay the favor. Score! This shit never happens to me and I always remove the hangers.

Sunday I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond with my mom and mowed their lawn. Jealous? The Mr. was helping his sister move. I also cooked another fabulous vegan dinner but made sure not to wear my contacts this time. However, it didn't f'n matter. I still managed to burn the shit out of my eyes this morning when I tried to put my contacts in. What the hell? Do spices seep into your fingertips or something? Do I need to wash my hands in rubbing alcohol?!

Now onto the fun stuff. Friday night. I made plans with Jamie and Geoff to go to my first ever Drag Show! You can read Geoff's recap here but here were the highlights for me:

1. We started off the evening attending Traci and Kristen's bday party at Kristen's place. She has a super cute house in Fed Hill and it's decorated amazingly. I envied all of her new appliances and fantastic location.

2. Geoff was the recipient of some dirty looks. I love it!

3. Jamie was D-R-U-N-K. I haven't seen Jamie like that in a looong time. I was thrilled to see Terri too.

4. When we arrived at the Hippo, we hung out in the karaoke room until the Drag show started. A man in his mid-60s donning navy blue slacks, a white dress shirt with cufflicks and a popped collar, an ASCOT, a beret (!) and HUGE glasses sang "Bad Girls". I nearly pissed my pants when he started growling like a tiger throughout the song. I wanted him to adopt me as his grandchild.

5. When we were heading over to the Drag show area, I noticed a Queen come out of the ladies room. I don't know why this confused me so much but I actually turned to Geoff and asked, "Am I allowed to use the ladies room?"

6. From that moment on, Geoff turned into the spokesperson for all Drag Queens (despite not being one) because I am an idiot.

7. I couldn't help but stare at all the Queens' crotches. I wanted to see a bulge. There was no bulge! I understand the concept of tucking (and I know all you straight boys have done this too!) but how to you keep it there? And isn't it uncomfortable? And why am I staring at so many crotches?

8. One Queen had BREAST IMPLANTS. I felt rude staring but how could I not? It had me wondering how s/he kept them under wraps during the day.

9. I learned that you're supposed to give Drag Queens money for their performance. People lined up to hand the performers money. Some of the people were uber creepy and I think the split-second of affection from the Drag Queens was the most action they've seen in a looong time.

10. Terri called me out for being a "virgin" (as in I've never been to a Drag show… get your mind out of the gutter!) and the fabulously hilarious MC looked at me and said, "Honey - she ain't no virgin. I can smell Long John Silver's all the way over here!" then she looked at Geoff and asked, "Did he pop your cherry?". Geoff and I both laughed and shook our heads and she quipped, "Okay good because he's gay!"

11. One of the mini performances was by an older group of women performing on a pole. I applaud their confidence and agility but felt that they were definitely barking up the wrong tree. I've never seen so many horrified faces.

Overall - I had a blast partly because I finally got to see a Drag show but mostly because I got to hang with some of my favorite people. I only wish I took pictures of the show!