I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth. A LOT. I just blurt things out without realizing the consequences (and often am accused of being a meany).
During a work meeting yesterday, in a room full of people I know pretty well, I called my work husband a "homophobe". I still stand by that statement (refute it all you want Eludius). Anywho - after I said it, I realized that perhaps I should have waited until my manager was not in the room. You could see the panicked look on her face. She asked me to stick around after the meeting and wanted to talk about it. Now - some of you may be thinking that she cited our company's "Code of Ethics" or something HR related. Nope. The conversation that took place was HILARIOUS.
Manager: Um... so... when you said what you said to [Eludius]...
Me: OH MY GOD! I am so sorry. Please know that I would NEVER say that in a meeting with people outside of this small group.
Manager: Well... its just that, maybe not everyone knows he's out of the closet?
Me: I would NEVER out someone! Believe me - I know its a serious thing. I only said it in this meeting because we all know him pretty well.
Manager: And... um... its just that, I don't know Ryan that well so...
Me: Oh? [it took me a second to see where she was going with this] OH! No no no... I know him. I wasn't saying anything that would make him uncomfortable.
Manager: Phew! Okay - I feel better. Its just a sticky situation because you never know sometimes.
I told Ryan about this conversation and the look on his face was priceless. What?! Me?! I mean... I dress well... but... what?!
Ha! I may have hurt my chances for getting a promotion. MrsTwink displays poor professionalism in meetings. Whoops.
Anywho - the topic of Gay and Lesbian rights is kind of a serious thing to me. It irritates me when I hear homophobic remarks or that people argue the idea that homosexuals should not have the right to marry. What?! Why? Who cares! With this - I am going to post a little blurb from someone I know because it honestly moved me to tears. He eloquently delivers a rebuttal to someone's e-mail about signing a petition to protect the institute of marriage:
This kind of e-mail is very exaggerated; moreover, it's quite mean-spirited and hurtful. In wanting marriage rights, people like myself have absolutely no intention of taking away or degrading a marriage between a man and a woman. If actions have been suggested to take out words such as 'husband,' 'wife,' 'man,' or 'woman' from legal documents pertaining to marriage, it's because such words are the very things that people have long used to deny gays the right to marry.
But what are words anyway? Does 'Person A,' if that's what's being proposed, really mean that a person's wife then isn't his wife, or even a woman? I cannot see how something like a change in wording hurts anyone -- there is absolutely nothing in danger here.
Now, if people think that gays should just be flat-out denied rights, or beaten up, or lynched, or burned, or whatever -- then I really can't argue with that: it's just beyond my (and certainly your) realm of comprehension. The e-mail that was sent, however, argued that "Gays and lesbians already have ALL of the same rights as other Americans." With this point, I have to disagree.
Here's the most blatant example that I face. I recently was fortunate enough to receive a very prestigious fellowship to undertake research overseas. One stipulation of this fellowship (part of what makes it so prestigious) is that the recipient of this award receives an extra stipend that pays for his spouse to accompany him for the year. My partner of three years, however, could not receive such a stipend because we are not legally married. All the other recipients of this fellowship did receive money to bring their husbands or wives with them. Again, I did not -- and I've been with my partner for a longer period of time than several of the other couples. Again, this is the most prominent issue that I've had to face. Because we are not legally married, we have been denied income. This is not having "ALL of the same rights as other Americans."
But it's not just that. Recent votes in some states (Michigan, etc.) in the last election explicitly stated that gays should not have all the same rights. This means that my partner and I cannot share automatic health care or life insurance coverage and benefits. More basically, this means that if I am in an accident and need to be hospitalized, my partner is not guaranteed the basic right of being able to visit me. I hope that no doctor or hospital staff would actually ever prevent him from visiting me, but the point is that it is not a guarantee. That is why marriage -- in addition to just the most basic issues of love and companionship -- is needed as legal protection.
I'm sorry if this e-mail has somehow offended you, or somehow made your day unpleasant -- but part of me isn't sorry. I am all too often reminded that I am not equal to any of you. This e-mail that I've received requests that we all take action because marriage is threaten by gays, who supposedly have "ALL the same rights as other Americans." And so I feel compelled to write to you that, in fact, I don't have all the same rights. The argument,though, that granting me equality is going to make 'husband' and 'wife' hate speech is truly laughable. Does anyone actually believe this? Aren't words hateful in context? I want to be married, and I want to be able to call my partner my husband. Doing so is not intended to hurt any of you, and it certainly does not really hurt any of you.
Well, I don't feel that I've done a satisfactory job of explaining the full extent of my feelings on this matter. I felt compelled, though, to tell you that I, along with any other gay or lesbian that I know, have no intention of making your private lives and relationships of any less value. I am just asking that you consider my personal reality -- how I am not treated equally -- and take pause; perhaps even reconsider.
I hope everyone has a great weekend! Tomorrow The Mr. and I are helping Theresa move to Baltimore (whoo hoo!) and then we'll be celebrating Courtney's 7-7-07 bday. What's everyone else getting into?
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5 comments:
Kim!! What's wrong with you outting your co-workers like that...have we taught you nothing?!?!?! :)
I'm all for equal rights...that's what America all about right? I don't think the issue is gay marriage so much as equality. I could care less if I have a piece of paper saying that I'm legally married to my man...I do want him to have to have the same rights that a heterosexual couples have though.
I'm kind of an anomaly in the gay community...I'm still pretty conservative and consider myself Republican. I'm Catholic, and for me the word "marriage" will always be the sacrament of marriage and not just a union of two people. I know it's semantics, but that's how I roll.
BTW-I've been reading Eludius' BLOG...f'ing brilliant.
i'm with you on the gay and lesbian rights. i really hope that one day we are afforded the same rights as you breeders (love the str8s!). luckily, at my current place of employment, gay and lesbian rights is also take very seriously and is protected here under the discrimination guidelines as well as the fact that they offer domestic partner benefits. granted, 'domestic partner' can include a heterosexual arrangement, but more often than not it refers to a homosexual situation. the whole issue of marriage isn't the thing that bothers me, it's the fact that we can't even have the right to label our partner as a legal spouse. not sure if i ever plan on getting 'married,' but if that time ever does come, i would like to be able to call my beau my husband. not every place that i work at may be as accomodating to gays and lesbians so i only hope that people's views change over time. i mean, look, we've already come a long way from where we started and hopefully it can only get better. i honestly don't think it could get any worse.
Are you kidding me?!?
Sorry Geoff, but it could be a HELL of a lot worse! And who can stop you from calling your beau your husband? That's just a label. I repect your views, but come on...it could be MUCH worse.
this is what i think: there is a lot of hate and anger in the world. more love would make us all better. no one can ever have enough love. so what's so wrong with people loving each other and wanting to have the same rights as other people who love each other? I certainly don't feel, as a straight person, that if a gay couple were to get married that that in any denigrates ANYONE. it means two people love each other. and of course in my idealistic mind we all deserve the same protections and rights under the law. i'm sad that when i get to be a grandma, my grandchildren will say to me "grandma, how could people have been so awful" just like i have said to mine about the civil rights movement. the sad thing is that everyone's civil rights are being eroded right now. in any case, i hope that i live to see the day when everyone gets equal access to everything. call me a commie. i dont' care. we should all have good educations and loving families and not live in fear and be able to afford healthcare and eat food not soaked in pesticides.
jamie, my statement, "i honestly don't think it could get any worse," was in regards that i don't think us, as americans, will backtrack and take away rights. if we never get treated as equals, it's no less than where we are now.
maybe i worded it wrong, i dunno. i was at work and my mind has been fried all week. i'm reading that statement now and trying to decide if, the way it's worded, is a negative or positive statement. lol.
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