The True Adventures of Pee Foot

I've been in an off-site training course for the last 2 days hence all the late posts. It ends tomorrow so hopefully I'll be back to my regular schedule. Being off schedule makes me crazy.

For whatever reason, whenever I'm in a different situation I have to pee... A LOT. Nothing has really changed in terms of my liquid intake, but good gravy... I have been peeing a good 10 times a day. Maybe more. I pass another classroom of people and they probably think I have a serious case of pee butt. That's not the case. I just have the bladder the size of a quarter whenever I'm in an unfamiliar setting.

TMI? Maybe but it leads me to one of the funniest and most horrifying moments of my life.

It was after lunch in the training facility. I was going to the bathroom for the 8th time that day. For whatever reason, whatever stall I pee in first for the day... I must use for the rest of the day. Don't ask.

I notice something is not quite right with the toilet. You know what I'm talking about... the water level looks a little weird... like some took a big doody. You would have thought that would have been a pretty big warning that I needed to put my quirk aside and pee elsewhere but it didn't. Quirk won.

So I pee... and have I mentioned that certain vegetables make me gassy? Because I ate a veggie sub from Subway for lunch, I farted. LOUDLY. Ridiculously loud. I realize the seriousness of the loudness when I pass the men's room later that day and hear a man clear his throat. Wow - I hope nobody saw me go into the bathroom.

I pee, wipe then flush. The toilet water is not sinking... its rising. I panic. I look behind me and notice a plunger. I briefly think, "That's weird. You don't see those in public bathrooms" and then grab it. I realize that I don't really know how to plunge a toilet. I have a flashback from the last time I clogged a toilet (sorry for the visual). I panicked and called The Mr. for instructions on how to plunge. He told me to flush then plunge. It worked. I apply this same logic with this toilet.

When I flush again, I try to plunge but its no use. Water is rising... rising... and now its spilling out of the toilet and ONTO MY FOOT. My pee water is all over my left foot. The right foot was quick and moved out of the way. I basically just peed on my foot!

I realize that I can't leave water spilled on the floor with the toilet still clogged. I am now red-faced and sweating. I put the plunger in the water, while standing on one foot (the pee foot), and plunge. The clog is cleared. The floor is still wet. I try to dry off my foot and exit the bathroom as nonchalantly as possible ("Water on the floor you say? I didn't see a thing and I definitely didn't pee on my foot.").

When I get home, I am still mortified that I am the owner of a pee foot. My dogs are smelling me intensely because they've never smelled MY OWN URINE ON MY FOOT. I run upstairs and wash the now infamous pee foot. The Mr. gets home and is convinced that the house smells of pee. You know what love is? When your husband can (1) talk you through plunging a toilet YOU clogged, (2) can laugh about you peeing on your foot and (3) gets on the floor and sniffs your foot to rule it out as a suspect for the scent of pee in the house.

Oh and if you're wondering? I didn't use that stall today. I didn't want the evidence to be traced back to me.