I'm torn here. I've grinned and beared it for the last few months when I've received a few jabs (i.e. poking fun at Koreans, snide comments about family members) but the psychology minor in me just can't take it anymore! I can't enable this behavior. I will not be the red headed stepchild any longer.
I don't wish to make waves and have realized that I cannot be as honest and forthcoming as I am with my own family but I can only take so much before I have a breakdown. So please - share your advice, your stories, anything. I need something.
I realize that I'm probably just in another cliched in-law relationship but this isn't what I wanted at all! And things were not always this way. I know I'm being super vague here but I don't really wish to disclose all the details.
I'm generally a short-tempered, sarcastic and insensitive person. By insensitive, I simply mean that I'm not one to hold hands and make sure everything is a-okay with everyone. For me, its always been "well get over it and move on". That's my mantra. I don't like to rehash things from the past that cannot be changed because there is no point. Its not like you can hop into your Delorean and change things.
When having to deal with said persons, I find that my whole body gets tense and I turn into a big ball of stress. Relationships shouldn't be this hard to maintain! Ack! HELP ME. Even super horror stories of in-laws sacrificing lambs and burning cars would make me feel better so please share.
5 comments:
The Delorean.... AWESOME
As for dealing, you could picture them in their underwear, if this is really a picture you want.
Seriously. I would try to find some commonality and base the relationship off of that. keep that singular point of view and block out other things. It may work.
Also I heat pictures on Dart Boards are therapeutic.
OMG this might be irrelevant BUT my dad used to have a bricklin and the doors did that! I thought it was the coolest thing ever!
As for the inlaws - have you tried having a heart to heart? Or is there just too much bitterness?
OK, do you know how much bs I had to deal with? You also know how I am as far as speaking my mind. I just bit my tongue for 3 years. In reality, there were many times when I should have spoken up, but it would have just made matters worse. It will work itself out in time. My ex in-laws are beautiful to me now! Oh, by the way, it's Carrie.
if i were you, the next time you're over at their place--if you even dare to step foot past the sign at the front door that reads: beware all ye who enter here--you should find her most prized possession and hide it somewhere in the house ... somewhere where you might easily and naturally find it upon a later visit. when you hear her ranting and raving that her 'kitten dinner plate' is missing, you could conveniently be like, "oh ... is this it? it was under the sofa cushion. i wonder how it got there." you'll be a hero and be welcomed with open arms!
failing that ... you could just be like: seriously ... make one more racial epithet ... i dare you. my family, for generations, has known how to kill a human with their thumb and pinky finger ... don't test me. have you ever seen remo williams?? it's possible!
i am one of those people that feel like if things are that bad you should say something, or else it will eat you up gradually over time like a parasite. this is bad, obviously, but also b/c you feel like shit for things other people do and life is too short for that crap. also it will make you snappish and rude subconciously which gives them more fodder for proving you are "a bad seed" or whatever. but i realise this is hard to do. perhaps you should write a letter of your issues and questions about Q & fam's attitude. you don't have to send it but it might help to rearrange your thoughts to address snide comments better as they happen. if you do decide to talk to them, ask them not to interrupt but to be courteous and let you finish. of course it's easy for me to pass on bs advice from 4000 miles away, but it's what i would try. it won't truly fix things or change their ingrained ignorance, but it may take the wind out of their sails and empower you more.
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