I'm kind of bored with talking about Puerto Rico already. So instead, I'm going to talk about the fuckwit security guard in my office building who caused me to spill half of my breakfast on him yesterday morning.
Everyone knows that there is an unspoken rule of where you walk down a hall. Its like the rules of the road. You walk in the center towards the right side. This prevents people from running into each other around corners and makes for smooth passing of other walkers.
Apparently turdy security guard didn't get the memo.
I was walking my usual way to the microwave to heat up my oatmeal (don't judge me, oatmeal mixed with some raisins and a banana is delicious and my source of fiber everyday) after I had filled the bowl with some ridiculously hot water. Well, when I rounded the corner, the turd was on the LEFT SIDE and I ran smack into him and spilled half of my breakfast on him.
Douchebag!
He looked at me like, "You're a whore" instead of, "Oh crap - I am totally walking on the wrong side, aren't I?"
He found me later in the day and said, "Don't worry, I got most of it off my shirt." I wanted to poop on him.
I'm gunning for him now. I'm bringing extra oatmeal and if I see him on the wrong side of the hall, I'm throwing it at him.
And... good morning, everyone!
I'll continue talking about PR later because I have fifty bajillion pictures to post (mostly of Linday, Carlo, Maria and Drew... seriously, did we just take a vacation together?).
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8 comments:
regarding pictures: Factor said to me yesterday "I don't think they liked me.. there arent any pictures of me". Which translates to, "I know i'm pretty and I wanted to see how very pretty I really was".
I have a bunch of you though.. so I mean, as we can see, this is a very one sided relationship.
turdy.
You guys were social butterflies! All over the place. We just stuck by Brown Bear. His soft hands made us feel warm and safe from strangers.
I've gotta start watching Scrubs...
Kelly - Carlo (er, Brown Bear) declared that he had a man crush on Jeremy... so maybe that's why. Maybe Factor should do the same thing :-P
nothing's wrong with a little "guy love" :)
Maybe the security guy was from England and doesn't know the rules of the road here. I come across the "corner cutters" all the time in the hall and they always seem indignant when then almost run into you...fuckwits!! (I love that word) :)
I'm laughing at the mental image of you pooping on him! Like he'd happily lay/sit down to let ya do that. Ha, ha, ha!
Loved your blog today ... and enjoyed even more the shout out from your previous blog ...
i keep saying that they need to install mirrors on all the corridor corners here at work because--to use your word--we have a boatload of fuckwits here who either a) turn corners without caution or care, b) all but sprint through the hallways and nearly bowl you over when they round corners, c) take up the entire aisle and amble along like it's a sunday morning walk. it's irritating. and jamie's right, they give you a look like you did something wrong.
imbeciles. and be careful what you wish for. that security guard could totally be into belgian chocolate. (ok, so i laughed extremely loud when i read that you wanted to poop on him. i got a "you alright, geoff?" from my boss. oh well. at least i didn't snort.)
New favorite word: Fuckwit
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