Last night I met up with a bunch of the girls for dinner (its Baltimore Restaurant Week) at a fabulous Italian restaurant. Actually - I'm thankful for my friends in situations like these because it was tough finding restaurants that had vegetarian options.
AND I hadn't seen Suz since October. That's just insane!
Anywho - we were all catching up and whatnot when some gossip started to bubble up. I'm super guilty of gossiping. I can gossip about anything or anyone (celebrities are sadly included in this... and I say sadly because hello? Its not like I know these people). But I'm turning over a new leaf. My Inspirational Lunch post was genuine. Aside from all that "I don't know what I want to do in life" stuff... I really was getting tired of being catty, mean, etc. I don't want to be that person anymore.
Gossiping has gotten me into trouble in the past and I've definitely burned some bridges. I've also had my fair share of gossip spread about me (stupid karma). I think most people I know gossip. Sometimes its hard not to especially when situations arise where "so and so" and "so and so" were "totally making a scene last night!" or whatever. You want to talk about it. Laugh about it. Whatever.
So - I'm trying to not do that anymore. I'm taking on the approach of positive thinking. Its the power of positive, people.
A particular person came up in conversation last night and all of us in the circle pretty much share the same opinion of said person (and its not a good one). Although I would say that Amy and Megan are SO much nicer than I am. I have a tendency to show my feelings in my face. Stupid subconscious expressions! I'm also a bad liar.
What's my point? I didn't say anything bad! I'm trying to avoid the added commentary of "ew - did you see so and so's outfit?" and unnecessary cattiness like that. I will continue to report situations and events when asked but I'm going to do it as objectively as possible.
I've also realized that I just need to separate myself from foolish people. These are the people that make it difficult to NOT gossip or scream or be mean because they are ridiculous. So I'm cutting ties. I think its safer for me so that I can remain positive.
The best part of turning over this new leaf? I was told that I'm much funner when I'm mean. Ha! Traci even gave me an out and suggested that I should generally stay positive but when I'm with the girls, I can let it all out. While I love that suggestion... it would be like going on a diet Monday through Friday but allowing myself to pig out all weekend.
So... do you gossip? Or do you try to find the positive in people? If so, how do you do it? How do you deal with difficult people?
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7 comments:
I try not to talk about people unless it is positive. So I change the subject a lot!
Great job, Mrs. Twink! I often find myself as the "nice" one in groups of my gal pals, although it's very tempting to be snarky and gossipy.
I do gossip - but I too go through times when I'm like, wow, I need to be nicer. I think it's something to do as we mature. We've all been in a situation where we've had some pretty mean things said about us, and it sucks. I would hate to be the person making someone else feel crappy!
I'm guilty. Although I like to think I just share the "good" gossip, like, "guess who's engaged?!" or "guess who's pregnant?!".
~*gossip is hard. its fun and helps keep you in the loop, but i think the important thing is, if you're sharing info...make sure its w/ people who know you're not saying these things for spiteful reasons. everyone's guilty pleasure has to do w/ some sort of meddling in other people's lives. its human. best advice? seems like you've already got it figured out. but girl, you do have some great stories! hahaha~!
yeah see, I go through these phases too. I'm not nice, etc etc. However, I have a hard time not being honest. I also have a hard time NOT jumping on the gossip train when a juicy bit is thrown my way. But see, there's also a difference between gossip and behind the back criticism.
I def do not speak evil of my real friends, but I'll give my unsugared advice or perspective on someone else's situation.
Factor has always said "it's good to have an opinion". nothing irks me more than shooting the shit about things and there being a silent participant who doesn't weigh in - and this doesn't have to be gossip, just anything where another opinion would add to the convo. what the crap is my point here? I may not have one. But I think you being you is you. Obviously we could all take a lesson from mother Theresa or Factor (who I try to emulate in fairness), but as long as it isn't harmful, I think some honest petty venting is healthy.
Plus, I rarely feel guilty if I'm venting on someone because usually I have nothing bad to say about anyone unless they're an asshole to me. Unfortunately, the world is full of assholes.
like i said, I probably don't have any point here.
I'm guilty. For sure.
I try to be nice - if there is something that must be talked about (and sometimes there IS! really!) I try to do it as objectively as possible (a la your goal). But? I can't stop myself from talking.
Though actually? I'm worse than that. Because I'm really a stealth gossip. By which I mean, I'll ask a question or make a statement (which is objective/neutral! really!) and then listen to everyone else gossip. Hmmmm... Yeah, maybe I should work on that.
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