I'm using today's post as more of a "Dear Diary..." type of thing (and to quote Ben, "I keep hearing the closing music of Doogie Howser as I type").
Anywho - so, as I declared awhile ago, I am trying to be a nicer person. No more negativity. Now I'm not going into that whole "power of positive" because lots of things and lots of people still irritate me so I'm not going to give them the Care Bear stare until they change.
I recognize that after the wedding, I changed a little. It was strange. I know some newlywed women claim to go through "wedding withdrawal". They go through some sort of depression about no longer being the bride-to-be with nothing to plan. No more big special day filled with presents, attention and a pretty dress.
I didn't go through withdrawal but I was hostile. I was mean. I was (wait for it) a Negative Nelly. I don't know where this came from (well I think a part of it had to do with the "drama" then went down right before the wedding) but I know that some people felt the effects of it. It was just a bizarre thing for me. I was much cattier, much more irritable and I kind of withdrew for awhile.
As the year progressed - I wasn't withdrawn anymore, I was just a bitch. Some would still argue that I'm a bitch and I can't really argue with them. You either like someone or you don't. I'm not here to please everyone.
So I found myself really projecting my negative feelings onto certain people so much so that everyone wanted to get my opinion on these people for everything. People thought it was funny. They'd call me with scoops just to get my reaction. I found myself just getting angry about everything people who were just annoying me did. How dare they BREATHE my air!
I was ridiculous.
Now that we're into 2008, I'm feeling a little different. I'm tired of being catty. I'm tired of being mean. And I am really tired of being accused of not liking people. Unless you've intentionally done something to hurt me or a loved one, I don't not like you.
I've been making an effort to be nicer, to think nicer and just to let stuff roll off my back. And I really just vent to The Mr now (because that's what husbands are for).
Recently - I have heard that someone has said that they think I talk about people too much. This kind of stung since I've taken on a new found attitude these last months and because, well... everyone does. Whether its your inner cirlce of friends, extended circle of friends, family, co-workers, etc... everyone gossips about everyone else. You can't escape it. And its not even women! I know plenty of dudes that run their yappers as well.
The thing that really upset me was that I heard a friend said this about me. So I find myself in a pickle. Do I say something? And I don't mean say something in the wave my finger furiously while shaking my head and yelling mean things kind of way but in a, "Is this what you really think of me?" kind of way.
Its hard for me to face someone and be nice to someone if they don't actually like me. I'd rather not play the nice games and just avoid that person if that's the case. So blogosphere - what would you do?
The Mr. thinks I'm blowing this way out of proportion and that perhaps things were just exaggerated to me. But I'd rather things not go down like they did for me back in 2001 when I stopped talking to 2 toxic friends (remember, Angie??) because there was so much talking behind each other's backs going on. It was stressful and upsetting and while they were toxic, its always kind of sad to lose a friend.
And I totally feel like I'm on an teen drama that is airing on the CW right now.
9 comments:
I'd confront it. It's better to get it out there than go through a relationship on false pretenses. Gee, does that sound familiar? At least I'm not bitter or anything.
I would probably mention it in a light manner, especially because it may have been relayed to you in a different way than it was said. It's important to clear the air now though because otherwise it could come up at a later time and you also don't want to resent this friend for having said something.
i think you should confront your friend, but do it down in the cafeteria during lunch so I can watch..!!! You know how I love witnessing awkwardness with people who are NOT me...
I've been thinking about a response for this and I fear it MAY come out wrong! So here goes nothing...
I know right now I have found myself miserable at work because of all the gossip going on, and at times I'm JUST as guilty. It got to the point where all I thought was - "Well what ELSE is there to talk about at work then other people?" It's all ONE BIG CYCLE. I mean basically she's gossiping by saying you gossip - it's a HUGE cycle and you will never win, except by taking the bigger step and not playing into it.
I think you should try to end the cycle on this one and maybe make a conscious effort to realize how much you may make others the center of your convos, which it seems like you are already doing. But stick with it - at work I hung up a "reminder" to think before I speak and, more importantly, to think how it may affect others (those I'm talking about and those I'm talking TO).
I think, feeling as though I got sucked into the negative world at work lately that if someone told me I was talking about others too much, that I would take it as a mini-wake up call or a reminder to be more conscious before I speak. (Of course I'd rather them say it to my face then through a game of telephone)
Now if it is going to bother you for more reasons than a "he said, she said", then you could mention that it hurt your feelings and has been something you have been trying to work on. But I really think that it's not an attack on you you. I mean the people I work with are some of my friends - but lately I've had to step back because it isn't fun to be around them sometimes with all the negativity...heck I stopped being fun (gasp!)! And it certainly doesn't mean I don't like them at all or I avoid them - it just means for me personally I try to be more conscious of how much I let myself get caught up in it.
Ok - That was hard to type because I'm not sure if it will come across like I want it to if I were saying it outloud face-to-face. So go easy on me :P
I definitely think you should say something. Just don’t be on the defensive (which I sure won’t have a problem doing) If you don’t say something you might develop a sense of resentment towards your friend and you don’t even know if what she allegedly said about you is true. It would suck if you loose a good friend over some he-say she-say to the nth power and it ended up not being true. Ultimately, you have to do what you think is best. I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. Good Luck!
P.S. Eric is a troublemaker…lmao
I am going to say confront it, just make sure you have answers to the questions that may arise.
P.S. it is 2008 this year, but if you would like to relive 2007 that is cool too.
If they are your friend then I think you should be able to talk about this with them without it getting hostile. Keep things light and work it out...it would be a shame to lose a friend over a misunderstanding. Whatever was said may have been blown out of proportion so don't get too defensive.
Good Luck, whatever you decide
it's much easier to be mean than be nice. Good luck.
I think you should confront your friend and talk it out. This very well could be an exaggeration on the person who told you what your friend had said, or a complete misunderstanding. Even if your friend did say those things, at least you can talk to him/her about it and try to work things out.
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