Sparkle Hands!

While I do have weekend stories to share, I meant to blog about this specific topic last week. So before I forget...

On top of the paddle race I participated in, I was also tagged to participate in a chant competition where I would show off some sweet dance moves.

Every company created a chant or fight song and performed it on stage. My company had won this competition twice in a row and were vying for a third win. They upped the ante and thought that if they included some choreographed, in sync moved to be performed by some paddlers with paddles - they'd score the win.

Well... it didn't. While I found the song to be super entertaining and fun (it even included a move dubbed 'sparkle hands'), The Mr pointed out that it was eerily similar to the previous competition's song... so much so that he didn't realize it was a new song. The chant got a #2 spot. But here are some pics...


The song was just about to start and I realized at that moment that I felt like a complete jackass. And seriously - where are my boobs?


Singing along with the chorus. Like our sweet dragon masks? Apparently the State of Maryland wouldn't photograph the kids of the charity we were supporting because it's a group home? So lame. They bypassed this little rule by having the kids wear dragon masks and we were asked to also wear them so that the kids felt a little less silly. Our giant heads didn't really fit with the masks so we had to wear them on top of our foreheads.

We even got asked to do an encore... about 20 minutes before the final race.

Clearly I found something funny. Or perhaps the awful stench permeating from everyone was getting to me.



I still can't erase the awful smell from my memory. OY...

So Because I Lack Motivation...

... it's probably going to be a few weeks before I launch the new blog. I don't want to completely abandon the whole blogging thing (because I don't want to lose my dear readers!) so I'll keep posting here for a bit.

With that said, I probably should talk about how the Dragon Boat races went this past Saturday. It's tough to get stoked about it. I mean, we technically won. Doesn't sound exciting, does it?

I think we raced for a total of 4 times? 5 times? Crap - I don't even remember. One of the races we were disqualified from because we swerved into their lane and hit their boat (it was the Baltimore City Fire Department). And despite being nearly a full boat ahead of them, the fact that we were out of our lane forced us to take a loss in that race.

That's us in the middle. Doesn't it look like only one boat? Yeah... that's because we're basically on top of the BCFD.

That forced us into the "losers bracket" so we had to race an additional race. Regardless... we made it to the finals.


We were neck and neck with the other boat but do you notice how close they are to us (we're on the left)? They swerved into OUR lane.

Unofficially, they beat us by less than a second. Officially, we won because they crossed into our lane and that's against the rules.

So, we technically won. How anti-climatic.

But check out my sweet guns.

You don't see them? Oh...

well here's a nice action shot of the paddle team:


The day didn't just include paddling though. I'll post pics from the chant/dance show.

Oh and in case you're wondering...
Dirty Harbor Water + Humidity + Sweat = funky ass stank.

By our 3rd race, I was gagging in the boat. Everytime the captain wanted a team huddle, I held my breath. Ugh... that stench. It's also nice when some fire fighters inform you that they typically decontaminate themselves after getting into the Harbor and here we were just splashing around in it. EW!

You Gotta Believe!

So tomorrow is the big Dragon Boat Race in Baltimore (hint, hint… if you'd like to come out and show your support!). I haven't been nervous about this race at all until today.

I'm not even nervous about the actual race itself, nope… I'm nervous about the expectations of the team. I think it would be very cool to win and I'm going to try my hardest, but I am putting this day into perspective and keeping in mind that this is a CHARITY event. No need for blood shed.

I've been bombarded with e-mails from the paddle team to motivate everyone. They've been writing things ranging from, "We need to believe in ourselves!" to "Bring the hammer!" to things that are just too dorky for me to write that I'm starting to feel like I don't belong on the team.

Perhaps this is because I didn't grow up playing sports so I don’t understand this mentality. The only competition I felt was with other people trying to get onto the team… but other than that, I just wanted to try something new and do something good for charity.

But holy hell… this experience has shifted.

Tomorrow is supposed to rain off and on all day. I'll be at the Inner Harbor from 7am until 4pm (at least). Shoot.me.now.

I truly hope that we win because I have a sneaking suspicion that the newbies will be blamed for a loss.

Regardless, when I sent my worry about not belonging to some pals - I was sent this:

You know, once I was thinking of quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. (scene from Dodgeball between Lance Armstrong and Vince Vaughn's character)

See - that is the motivation I need. Not the dorky stuff I've been getting. I almost feel like I'm in Cobra Kai right now.

FINISH HIM!

Wish me luck, guys.

Paddling Update

So I realize that I've neglected to keep my faithful readers up to date with my dragon boat tryout crap. If you recall, the team captain seemed a little competitive and out there and at one point, it seemed like the actual tryout period was never going to frickin' end.

Well, tryouts are over and I'm on the team.

I wish I could brag about how awesome and amazing I am for beating out my competitors but the truth of the matter is… the competition quit. I made the team simply by not quitting. How lame is that? It's like getting a ribbon just for participating. Yes, I'm that kid.

When the captain initially sent out his congratulatory e-mail about making it through the first round, he made mention of "natural attrition". I thought he was just being a little crazy but he wasn't kidding. People dropped like flies! The level of commitment required for this team is almost crazy to me. Every Saturday morning until race day? Ugh.

I wanted to quit earlier this month but The Mr wouldn't let me. He's got like values or morals or principles or something like that. Well I guess it paid off?

So far, we've been expected to attend Monday evening land workouts that consist of running with our arms raised above our heads for 3 minutes, various stair sprints and wheelbarrels (where I got massive blisters on the palms of my hands). I actually missed the majority of the land workouts because of the boot camp class I was taking this summer but I can understand how this deterred people from wanting to commit to the team. Monday evening workouts and Saturday early morning practices. Ugh.

We're also expected to row 2000 meters on the indoor rowing machine that doesn't actually simulate the paddling motion AT ALL and submit our times to the captain. He sends around a "target time" and you're expected to beat it.

I've managed to get my row time from:
10:16 to
9:52 to
9:20 to
9:10

That 9:10 time? I wanted to vomit when I was done. And I had to wear dorky awesome weightlifting gloves because my freakishly sweaty palms previously caused me problems with gripping the rowing bar.

But even so - the physical stuff I get. I really do. This is a physical competition and they want everyone in their peak physique. The thing I didn't understand was my recruitment to participate in some bizarre-o choreographed dance with only 7 other people… in front of a large crowd of spectators.

They must have seen the video footage of me doing the robot at my own wedding reception and been wowed. I don't blame them.

What Do You Mean I Have To Tryout Again?

So... as many of you know, I've been trying my hardest to make sure that I make my company's dragonboat team. Why? I have no idea. I don't particularly enjoy getting doused in dirty harbor water nor do I enjoy the extreme pain I feel in my back from the awkward rowing motion. It's just my competitive nature and the fact that I have invested this much time and pain already.

Just to recap:

- Tryouts were at the end of March. MARCH. I did okay.
- They informed us in April that we made it through the first round. First round?!
- They mention that there is a non-company sponsored race in DC this weekend so that they were going to be practicing and that newbies were welcome to participate without guarantee of being on the boat.

So I've been going to every practice. I really like the people and it's actually kind of fun (minus the dirty and smell factor and the pain). It appeared that I had made the team for the DC race (but I have a hunch that this had more to do with the need for people than the fact that I'm awesome... as much as I'd love to believe that).

Well, the race was cancelled. It was a 2-day festival but due to the nutty weather that's been happening, the water is overflowing (or something crazy like that). I paid my fee (yes, I was asked to pay a fee since this is non-company sponsored) but it appears that I can't do the an entire weekend of the other "tentative" dates.

At the last practice, I coyly asked the captain "Is it safe to assume that we're done with tryouts now" and I batted my eyes a few times for effect.

The answer?
"Unfortunately this isn't technically the tryout phase for the September race. This was for the race in DC and many people that made it through the first round haven't been able to participate this month. To be fair, we have to give them a chance." What?!

And then there was mention of holding another physical tryout. For what?! These a-holes haven't been coming. I'm in my final weeks of class and I'm still showing up. I suggested that the tryouts should include boxing but that seemed to go over all of the returning paddlers heads. "Oh - is that what you guys do over in your building?" Um, no. I mean I want to box it out with the competition because this is BULLSHIT!

Now how do I politely say, "I want my money back, fool!"

Since I had planned to race this weekend, I didn't have other fantastic plans made. But now The Mr and I have declared that we're going to do a thorough spring cleaning of our basement to get rid of the clutter (and the bajillion bags that I hoard) and to reorganize. Sadly - I am really f'n excited about this. A clean and organized room! Hooray!

I hope your weekends are a hell of a lot cooler than mine.

Oh - and I signed up for a bootcamp class at Patterson Park. It's 2 nights a week for 8 weeks. I'm going to miss the last week and I inquired about being able to make it up or at least get a refund. Nope. A-holes. This class isn't cheap! Theresa is lucky that I heart her.

Eye of the Tiger

Last month I tried out for my company's row team. It took them a MONTH, a freaking MONTH, to finally let us all know the results.

Well - I made it through the first round. THE FIRST ROUND?! There are multiple rounds? What is this crap? I received this e-mail:

Good morning.

Thanks to everyone for your great efforts and enthusiasm during the tryouts for the 2008 [company] boat team. It was by far and away the best turnout we have ever had and easily the most competitive. Thanks also for your patience while we attempted to coordinate tryouts for everyone who registered.

You were successful through the first round of tryouts if you are receiving this email. Congratulations!! The next step is to get out on the water, which will be at least as challenging as the tryouts, but hopefully more fun! Our next set of goals are: 1) to learn the boat paddle technique; 2) understand the importance of everyone in the boat paddling in synch; and 3) executing and working together as a team.

Unfortunately, and as communicated during tryouts, the [event name] event has strict limitations on the number of paddlers each team can carry on its roster. That number is 25. We currently have 33 on the roster and by way of "natural" attrition or otherwise we will need to get down to that number sooner rather than later.

Final decisions for the [event name] 25 will be based on a number of factors including paddle technique, ability to paddle in synch, effort, and additional endurance and strength testing measured primarily on a modified rowing machine. If we are not able to use the modified rowing machines, this testing will be conducted on regular rowing machines.

[blah blah blah blah blah blah blah]

A majority of the members of last year's TRP team have already verbally committed to participate in the DC Festival being held next month. There may be an opportunity for some of the newer paddlers to participate but that will require you to attend practices earlier than previously anticipated (possibly as early as this weekend) to learn the paddle technique. [blah blah blah] There are no guarantees that all new paddlers can participate due to our already high number of committed paddlers.

Thanks, and please do not hesitate to call me with any additional questions.

The first ROUND? You mean I can get cut after splashing around in the dirty Baltimore harbor water? That sucks.

And what's this mess about natural attrition? Are they going to feast on the weak?! Oy - what have I gotten myself into? The Mr told me to stop being so dramatic and that they're referring to people quitting. F that - I am NOT quitting. I am way too competitive for that... unless that water is really smelly and gross. That trumps my competitive spirit.

I looked up every girl that made it through and I'm probably on the weaker side of things. I'm still not quite sure how I made it through so I may have to pull a Tonya Harding or something.

Also - I'm a little irritated with the last paragraph. They're basically saying anyone from last year's team is guaranteed to make it through this second round of tryouts. Seems a little biased if you ask me.

Aaaanywho - this weekend is my one year wedding anniversary (Monday to be exact... stupid leap year). The Mr and I are going up to Philly to act like dorky tourists. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Pain and a Competitive Spirit

Yesterday I did something different. I tried out for something physical related to my company.

I mentioned this the other day, but I tried out for my company's "crew team" that competes every 2 years against other large companies in the area. One of the guys on the team attempted to get me to try out 2 years ago but as soon as I heard that practice was every Saturday in the summer from 9-11am, I responded with pffft! as if!

Now that I'm older and much less cooler (i.e. I can't handle going out too much anymore and the idea of staying up late makes me sleepy), I thought I'd give it a go. Its a good way to get me active in the summer, I can work on a tan and I can network a little bit.

Yesterday was my tryout. The tryouts consisted of:
- push-ups (modified - and as many as you could do in a minute)
- sit-ups (as many as you could do in a minute)
- chin-up hang (hold yourself above the bar for as long as possible)
- row 500 meters twice and the average is taken

I arrived at the tryouts a little early so only 2 women were there. The coach let us begin (and thank god we did because the gym was PACKED after that with people trying out). One woman was a middle-aged mom. She wasn't overweight but she didn't appear to be in top physical form either. The other woman was a 22 year old, just out of college girl wearing a college women's rugby shirt. Shit.

The mom did okay on the push-ups (29), sit-ups (not sure, I had to pee!) and could only hold herself up for 10 seconds. But she was able to row 500 meters in 1:59. Naturally I thought, if SHE can do it, I certainly can do it.

I ran through the first activities at the same time as Rugby girl. Hot damn - she did 54 push-ups! I've been repeating that all day and nobody seems nearly as impressed as me but hot damn. I tried to keep pace with her only to crap out early. I did 36.

My competitive juices were now flowing so I HAD to beat her in sit-ups. Rugby girl = 63. Me = 67. Winner!

For the chin-up hang, I assumed she was going to be tough competition but she crapped out after 10 seconds. I held on for dear life for 39 seconds. I probably could have stayed up longer but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to do anything for days afterwards.

Rugby girl rowed 500 meters about 2:10 each time. This confused me since she was obviously stronger than the mom.

I rowed around 2:07.

I can't begin to express just how sore I am today.

We won't find out who made the team for another 2 weeks but as I was leaving, I saw a ton of athletic ladies hanging out. I'm hoping that the fact that I'm loud and sometimes crazy will work in my favor (I know one of the coaches on the team).

We shall see.