Roach Wars

In an effort to battle the roaches that have started appearing in our kitchen, the Mr ordered some home roach elimination kit. This kit is not the same as a bug bomb. We had bug bombed our house twice with no results. This elimination kit is also pet-friendly and is supposed to last us a long time.

I do want to mention that we are clean people. We've lived in our house for 3 ½ years and have never had any sort of rodent/bug problem. I have no idea what started this little invasion but I hope we've put a stop to it.

The big plan was to clean out our kitchen cabinets on Saturday and spray down the kitchen, the backyard and even the front of the house. We wanted the fuckers evicted for good!

I have to say, we didn't realize how much crap we had until we had to remove it all from the kitchen. Just to hightlight, we have:
- 6 espresso cups and saucers
- 12 footed dessert dishes
- 5 coffee mugs
- A countless number of tupperware containers
- 25 glasses
- Lots of other random crap.

We're just 2 people in a small rowhome. We rarely have folks over for dinner and even when we do, we only have a dining room table meant for 4! Why the hell do we have so much stuff? It's because we got married. Oh and it's because I have a mother who insists of giving us a ton of crap.

Anywho - after cleaning out the cabinets, the Mr sprayed everything down. I decided to take advantage of the beautiful day and go running around Patterson Park. I'm trying to get serious about this whole training for a 10k and triathlon thing. Patterson Park has a running map that I don't quite understand. I ran the perimeter of both parks (so the solid blue and the solid red) but they don't list the perimeter of the red. So I'm guessing it was roughly 2.5 miles? Yeah - I have a ways to go before I hit 6.4 miles.

Wow - off topic, much? What I want to say is that so far it seems that the elimination kit is working. We've found a number of roaches attempting to crawl to freedom only to drop dead on our kitchen floors and counters. It's kind of gross but I guess it's nice to know that perhaps they're gone for good? Fingers crossed.

Funkadelic

I'm in a funk, blogosphere. I can't get motivated to do shit lately and ever since signing up for the IronGirl triathlon, I've been having nightmares! What did I do?

My nightmares and anxiety often switch to ambition for everything I think I'm going to accomplish in 2009. I'm already working on my resolutions list (although I don't ever resolve to change anything… it's usually just a set of goals). See - I'll be turning 29 next year. For whatever reason, I'm convinced I need to accomplish lots of things before I turn the big 3-0… as if I will cease to exist as soon as 2010 rolls around.

One of my goals is to run a 10k. I've officially run 5 5k races (one of my 101 in 1001 list items) and at this point, I feel it's time to challenge myself further. I think if I can run a 10k sometime early next year, I'll feel a little better about the triathlon. And if I am successful with the triathlon (in that I don't wish for the sweet relief of death), then I may try my hand at a half marathon. HALF. I'm not crazy enough to run a full marathon. I'm pretty sure my knees would fall off.

Why am I getting so nutty about physically challenging myself? I think it's because I'm slacking in every other arena of my life: work, school, hobbies and friends. I think I'm subconsciously punishing myself for being a bad employee, bad student, bad hobbyist and bad friend. I think I'm also just deflecting my attention towards something other than everything I just mentioned. I wish I could apply this mentality to school!

Aanywho - because I still have yet to get through all of the photos from Scotland, Juli's wedding AND Kristin's wedding, I’m going to post this one measly photo from Kristin's wedding. Jeremy took it with our Nikon point&shoot (hence the poor quality) but I love it. And I've been obsessively checking Kristin's photographer's blog for updates. He's killing me.



Any tips to get me focused on the things I need to focus on?

Some Random Thoughts

I have lots I feel I could blog about but because I'm trying to transition to the new blog, I'm trying to save it. But then I know I'll forget it. Oy, what to do.

Also - I'm slacking with pictures. Pictures from Juli's wedding, Edinburgh, Kristin's wedding... oy again.

With that said, here are just some random things just do you all know that I'm alive:

- I've decided to go with the "How Now, Non Cow" name for my E-commerce project. Any graphic designers out there wanna whip up a cute little logo for it? :-) I'm a bit design challenged.

- I signed up for the Iron Girl sprint triathlon. It isn't until August so I have about 10 months to train. I'm pretty stoked but I hope I didn't just bite off more than I can chew. It's 0.62 miles of swimming, 17.5 miles of biking and 3.4 miles of running. The biking and running don't scare me so much (especially since I biked 40 miles and survived!) but I'm not a great swimmer. I'm pretty sure 0.62 miles of DOGGY PADDLING will kill me. I need to learn how to swim.

I was worried about having to join a gym just for an indoor pool but I learned that my grad school has one... and I can use it for free! Yippee! Any tips on swimming? What kind of bathing suit do I need to wear? I'm sure a bikini is out of the question. I guess I'll have to suck it up and buy one of those Speedo one pieces that will make me look like a 12 year old girl.

Also - what kind of bike should I get? I clearly have no idea what I'm doing. I need to find a good training schedule too.

- I ran the Baltimore Running Festival 5k this past weekend and it was my best time yet. 27:07. I know that's not fast (and someone even asked me if I walked it) but that's a PR for me. And I didn't even want to die afterwards... although as I was sprinting towards the finish line, I thought I was going to shit myself. Don't ask.

- I think I'm going to try to run a 10k for sure in 2009. I found a training schedule that seems reasonable and may try my hand at it once this semester is over.

- When did I decide that I wanted to be such an athlete/runner? I think it's the free issues of "Runner's World" that we've been getting. I've even deluded myself into thinking I could potentially run a marathon. Ha!

What's new with you?

Paddling Update

So I realize that I've neglected to keep my faithful readers up to date with my dragon boat tryout crap. If you recall, the team captain seemed a little competitive and out there and at one point, it seemed like the actual tryout period was never going to frickin' end.

Well, tryouts are over and I'm on the team.

I wish I could brag about how awesome and amazing I am for beating out my competitors but the truth of the matter is… the competition quit. I made the team simply by not quitting. How lame is that? It's like getting a ribbon just for participating. Yes, I'm that kid.

When the captain initially sent out his congratulatory e-mail about making it through the first round, he made mention of "natural attrition". I thought he was just being a little crazy but he wasn't kidding. People dropped like flies! The level of commitment required for this team is almost crazy to me. Every Saturday morning until race day? Ugh.

I wanted to quit earlier this month but The Mr wouldn't let me. He's got like values or morals or principles or something like that. Well I guess it paid off?

So far, we've been expected to attend Monday evening land workouts that consist of running with our arms raised above our heads for 3 minutes, various stair sprints and wheelbarrels (where I got massive blisters on the palms of my hands). I actually missed the majority of the land workouts because of the boot camp class I was taking this summer but I can understand how this deterred people from wanting to commit to the team. Monday evening workouts and Saturday early morning practices. Ugh.

We're also expected to row 2000 meters on the indoor rowing machine that doesn't actually simulate the paddling motion AT ALL and submit our times to the captain. He sends around a "target time" and you're expected to beat it.

I've managed to get my row time from:
10:16 to
9:52 to
9:20 to
9:10

That 9:10 time? I wanted to vomit when I was done. And I had to wear dorky awesome weightlifting gloves because my freakishly sweaty palms previously caused me problems with gripping the rowing bar.

But even so - the physical stuff I get. I really do. This is a physical competition and they want everyone in their peak physique. The thing I didn't understand was my recruitment to participate in some bizarre-o choreographed dance with only 7 other people… in front of a large crowd of spectators.

They must have seen the video footage of me doing the robot at my own wedding reception and been wowed. I don't blame them.

It didn't kill me

Success! I survived biking 40+ miles on Saturday morning despite having a "summer cold" (who knew getting a cold in the summer was deemed a 'summer cold') and not riding since 1996. I.am.awesome.

My ass hurts though. And let's not even talk about the pain The Mr feels. We're kind of wondering if he can produce sperm anymore. I may have inadvertently crossed off item 101 on my list without even intending to. Whoops.

Friday I had to leave work early because my sinuses were so congested that I couldn't even hear. I went home and took a ridiculously hot bath thinking I could sweat out my cold because I swear this has worked in the past. Maybe I made that up though. I skipped out on a happy hour because I didn't want to risk my 40 mile bike ride adventure. I had to finish it so I could strut into my office and yell "f you!" to my doubters.

We hit up Wal-fart, Dick's Sporting Goods and Target to try to find 2 tubings for my tires, a gel seat for my seat (because I knew my bony butt couldn't handle the entire ride), and a bike rack. Finding a bike rack was tough! We spent most of the evening doing that and getting the tubing in place (and I learned The Mr is pretty handy with a bike).

We woke up at 6am to start our journey. After a few hiccups (like trying to find the directions to the trail, having to pull over to readjust the bikes on the bike rack, taking a wrong turn) we finally arrived at the trail around 8am. And so started our journey...


The crappy bike rack.


My brave little Huffy!


My hot bony ass in a sweet pair of bike shorts. If you're ever considering riding a long distance, WEAR BIKE SHORTS. I will never judge a person again. That padding saved my life.

Riding a bike is pretty easy. Riding a bike that hasn't been ridden since 1996 is tricky. I felt like my back tire wasn't at optimum inflation. We tried pumping it up several times but it just felt wrong. So I had to suck up riding 40 miles on a partially inflated tire.

Also - while I thought I was going at a pretty decent speed, a ton of old people were zipping past me. I felt kind of like a turd but I kept on pedaling.

Mile 10. Halfway to the PA line. I was feeling great. The ride was fairly easy. At about mile 5 I gave up my gel seat to The Mr who was convinced his wiener was going to fall off. I realized at that point why women are the ones who have babies...

By about mile 15, I started to feel it. We had probably stopped about 10 times to either drink, snack, pump air into my tire or let The Mr's wang take a break from a hard seat jamming into his nuts. It had been about 2.5 hours at this point and the trail turned into one loooong incline.

I may have whimpered a little as we kept on biking but I knew the end was near.

PA, hooray!


For those that doubted me...

I have to say I was disappointed that there wasn't a big sign that said, "Welcome to Pennsylvania! You are officially a badass for biking all the way here!" We just came across the sign and went, "Oh? I guess we made past the MD/PA line..."

I was excited to bike back because I knew the first 5 miles was going to be downhill. I felt like we flew back.

We stopped off for a picture. Okay, not really - The Mr still needed his nut breaks but I wanted a picture.

When I hit the last 5 miles, I really started to feel the pain again. I wasn't pedaling very fast and I had a constant look of pain plastered to my face. I may have scared a few kids but I'm not sure.

But fuck yeah - I did it. The Mr declared that the next time I decide I want to bike 40 miles, we need to build up to it. What I thought would be a 3 hour bike ride was a 4.5 hour bike ride. Oy. I didn't take into consideration that we'd stop so much.

One of the positive things that came out of this experience is that The Mr and I are pretty stoked about biking. It's a great activity and it'll make me feel like less of a turd to bike to a location in Baltimore that is less than 2 miles from my house.

How was everyone else's weekend?

Even if it kills me

I was sharing my weekend plan of biking the entire NCR trail (a 20 mile trail from Hunt Valley to the Pennsylvania line) on Saturday and was met with a lot of doubt and taunting. I was asking some of my co-workers how long they thought it would take to bike 20 miles (which then led to me really saying that I'd end up biking 40 miles since I'd have to return to the starting point) because I hadn't ridden a bike in awhile. And by awhile, I mean since high school.

I know how to ride a bike. I've ridden a bike around within the last couple of years but I haven't ridden a long distance trail for over 10 years. I am, however, a very active person. And I take spinning classes at the gym. My only real worry is how sore my ass will be from the bike seat.

But cheese and rice, you would have thought that I was 400 lbs overweight asking people's opinions on my chances of winning the Tour De France. Nobody thinks I can do it! I got a lot of "Ppffttt… good luck with that" or "You should probably do a 5 mile warm-up before tackling 40 miles". Yarg! What is a 5 mile warm-up going to do for me? If I'm already peddling, I might as well keep going.

I got home last night and was so pissed that I declared to The Mr, "If my bike is busted, we are buying me a new bike because I WILL bike the entire NCR trail even if it kills me!"

We're swinging by my parents' house tonight to check on my hunter green Huffy mountain bike that I haven't ridden probably since 1996. I used it frequently between the years 1993-1996 until I got my driver's license. It's been stored in my parents' garage ever since. I think the only real problem will be the tired (dry rotted maybe) but I think it should be in good shape. I had a dream the other night that it was completely rusted over so I hope that isn't true. I really don't want to buy a new bike…

But I WILL bike that 40 miles on Saturday and I will take pictures of me screaming fuck you to all my doubters!

Nothing like a little anger to get me motivated.

Bootcamp Class - Complete!

I'm happy to report that I have successfully completed the bootcamp course I started in June. It was an 8-week program that met twice a week (Monday and Wednesday).

This was a beginner's bootcamp class and I'll be honest, for the first few classes I was kind of bummed that I wasn't in extreme pain and wishing to die from an excruciating workout (hey now - that's what the word 'bootcamp' implies!). I definitely ate my words after doing a bajillion push-ups and sprints up stairs.

Our first class consisted of a fitness test just so we had a basis of measure to see how much we've improved. The fitness test consisted of:

- 90 seconds of push-ups
- 2 minutes of sit-ups
- 2 minutes of mountain climbers
- 1 minute of side jumps
- A .62 run around the park (complete with hills!)

While my numbers weren't anything to boast about, I felt good about falling somewhere in the middle when it came to the fitness level of all the participants in the class. Nobody wants to be the worst performer!

For awhile, I didn't think I was seeing or feeling any difference in terms of my weight, body or strength. Actually - that's a lie… the difference I saw in my body wasn't toner arms or a flatter stomach. It was SMALLER BOOBS. As if they're not already small, they're even smaller. Go figure.

Back to the no difference thing - like I said, I didn't feel any stronger or even any faster when it came to running despite all the sprinting we had done. I felt this way up until week 7 of the program until I had my first Dragonboat paddling practice (yes, I'm still doing that but that's an entirely different blog post). I paddled my little heart out and wasn't sore. AT ALL. I didn't poop out after a couple of drills like I had previously and I just felt good.

I missed the last week of the bootcamp class because of my vacation but knew that one class was going to be the fitness test. So yesterday I had The Mr. go to the park with me, armed with the stopwatch function on my cell phone, to retake the test. And holy hell - there was quite a difference with a few of the items. Because I am proud that I made an improvement (although I am nowhere near being as fit as an athlete), I'm posting my results:

Push-Ups (90 seconds)
June: 40
July: 66
Go me! I have to admit that these were on the knee push-ups but still. I think it's quite an improvement. I don't know if it was worth shrinking my boobs for but at least I have something to show for it! I'd also like to add that I probably could have done more but The Mr f'ed up the stopwatch about 40 seconds into my push-ups and I had to start over.

Sit-ups (90 seconds)
June: 78
July: 106
I was actually kind of surprised that there was such a difference. I figured this would have stayed relatively the same but perhaps the fact that The Mr was yelling words of encouragement and I didn't want to look like a turd, I pushed myself even harder.

Mountain Climbers (2 minutes)
Does everyone know what this is? In case you don't, it is performed by holding yourself in a high plank position and bringing your knees towards your chest like you're running up a mountain.
June: 90
July: 107
I had actually counted 214 and thought, "Holy shit, I am fucking amazing!" but then reality set in and I thought, "Crap - I'm totally counting this incorrectly. This can't possibly be right." I confirmed with the instructor that I was only supposed to count a cycle so I had to divide the number by 2.

Side Jumps (1 minute)
June: 79
July: 78
Yeah yeah yeah, this one was a little worse but I went several times because I lost count. My last count was 157 and I realized again that I was counting it incorrectly. So - I had to divide that number by 2.

Run around park
June: 4:50 min
July: 4:31 min
So I'm really proud of this number. I shaved 19 seconds off of my run! And as I triumphantly crossed the finish line, The Mr's first words to me were, "You totally could have fun that faster. Why do you take such short strides?" Thanks, hon.

Running Wannabe

I admire runners. I am in awe of the people who can run long distances and enjoy it. I have a friend who has run several marathons and it amazes me. She's also competed in a triathlon. Basically - I think she's hardcore.

The longest I can run without wanting to die is a 5k (about 3.2 miles). That's about 25-30 minutes of running and even saying the term running is a bit misleading. I jog.

The Mr has criticized my running/jogging numerous times because I am not an efficient jogger. I have long legs (I'm 5'8") but I take really short strides. What can I say? I was never a runner growing up. Short strides are comfortable. To take a long stride feels awkward. The Mr claims that there are running drills that can break me of my bad stride but ugh… who wants to do that?

At the beach I read a recent copy of Runner's World (that was mailed to The Mr free of charge… and neither of us knows why). They featured an article about training for a half marathon and tracked the progress of 3 individuals: a stay-at-home mom who has never run a half marathon before, an overweight ex-runner and a runner who was trying to improve her finish time.

I related to the stay-at-home mom (and not because I'm breaking some news to you guys about being preggers so just get that thought out of your heads right now). However, I read her training guide (they all were given a 10-week training regimen) and found it completely unbelievable.

The woman had just successfully completed two 5k races. That's it! So she and are are pretty similar in that 5ks are about as much as we can do. While the training consisted of mostly light runs with a day of walking and a day of rest, one of the days had her running 8.5 miles (lightly). Um… I don't give a crap if I'm jogging at a rate of 12 miles/minute - if I can only run for 30 minutes without crapping out, how the hell could I be expected to run 8.5 miles?

If you actually take a minute to read the article you will note that I'm slightly exaggerating because for the first few weeks, she was asked to run 8.5 miles but was given 2 minute walking breaks every 12 minutes. Still… I'm not a person that can stop running, start walking and then start running again. Once I've started walking - it's game over for me.

I guess I have a hard time understanding how she goes from this:
WEEK 1
Mon: 2 miles easy
Tue: 3 x 10 min. medium, with 2-min. breaks
Wed: 30-min. walk
Thu: 5-min. walk; 20 min. hard; 5-min. walk
Fri: Rest
Sat: 8.5 miles easy, with 2-min. breaks every 12 min.
Sun: 1- to 2-hour hike

To being able to complete a ½ marathon in just 10 weeks.

The moral of this story is that the lady was able to complete the regimen and successfully run a very slow half marathon. This leads me to believe that I can run a half marathon but before I get overambitious, I'm going to try my hand at running a 10k. That's 6 miles. The mere thought of that kind of makes me queasy…

Another article in the magazine featured a story on running skirts. Apparently they're all the rage.

Cute, right?

I'm all for wearing something that lets the breeze blow through you and cool off your lady parts but I think a running skirt is just asking for trouble. What if a breeze hits you just right and you end up mooning a little league game? On top of that - they're crazy expensive… and you're wearing less fabric! Someone explain that to me…

… and then when you're done, you can explain how I've managed to turn into my mother.

Has anyone ever trained for a 10k race before (as a beginner)? Any tips? And are there any training regimens you can share that would work with a full-time work and part-time school schedule? Seriously - why do I always feel like I have to be on the go go go?

Are there any other wannabe runners out there in blogland? How did you get started? Any goals you're working towards?

Could I possibly ask any more questions?

Hurts…to...type…

I may have mentioned previously that I signed up for a bootcamp fitness class that takes place at Patterson Park twice a week (Monday and Wednesday evening). The class itself is 8 weeks long and started the first week of June. We've had 2 rain-outs and the makeup for one of the rain-outs was yesterday.

Let me start by saying that I'm a fairly fit person. I workout at the gym 5 days a week and try to be active on the weekends. Although I can't run any marathons (or even half marathons), I can at least walk up stairs and jog down the street without wanting to die.

So far, the beginner's bootcamp class hasn't been terrible for me. Sure there are days that my calves burn (hopping up a large flight of stairs on one leg will do that to you) or my arms and chest are a little sore (Ii've never done so many push-ups in my life), overall - I've never felt like I was going to die.

That was until Monday. Monday's workout was the first workout that I thought I was going to PUKE. It was the first time I really thought, "Holy shit - I'm not going to make it!" as I wheezed heavily. The worst part of Monday's workout (outside of runing repeatedly up and down large hills) was the fact that we had another bootcamp the VERY NEXT DAY.

I kind of assumed that yesterday's class was going to be a little easy. I mean - who would push us that hard just 24 hours later? The bootcamp instructor - that's who. She set up a rope ladder across the ground as well as other various torture devices and had us do walking push-ups across the ladder… twice. And then we did another fun walking push-up exercise… twice. Oh and just for fun? We're going to do this excruciatingly difficult walking push-up exercise… you guessed it, twice.

The last round of push-ups actually made me whimper in pain. Sweat was pouring off of me like someone had dumped a water bottle over my head. I think I may have even seen my life flash before my eyes. I was relaxing on some beach somewhere… it was magnificent.

So how am I feeling today? It hurts to BREATHE. Not because my lungs hurt - but because the muscles in my chest ache that badly. My shoulders? Please don't ask me to grab anything off of the top shelf for you today. I might cry. My legs? I'm limping. I'm getting in and out of my chair like an 85 year old woman with arthritis.

The worst part of my feeling like this? KNOWING WE HAVE ANOTHER CLASS THIS EVENING! It's "bring a friend" day and Kristin will be my guest. The instructor promised that the class will be tailored so that everyone can keep up but then added it will be a "strength" workout. What the fuck did we do yesterday?

While I haven't seen any dramatic changes in my body - I have noticed that I am able to do more push-ups. So the next time someone challenges me to a push-up contest, I might have a fighting chance!

*Update* Just took the class. She noted that we did 100 push-ups yesterday. 100! In an hour! No wonder everything hurts. I can't even believe I made it through tonight's class. I definitely need this vacation.

Over Snacking and Under Motivated

I have no idea what's been happening to me lately but I can't stop snacking. I'm eating so much during the day that I constantly feel like I'm going to burst or vomit. This isn't good.

I know some people snack when they're bored and I think that has a lot to do with it. I also haven't been sleeping well and I think I've been snacking to keep me awake. Ugh. I hate this! I just ate a half package of Sour Patch Kids Watermelons (the greatest candy on Earth), a Berger cookie (a delicious and very very bad for you treat) as well as a bajillion other things. And don't even get me started on the smorgesbord of crap I ate last night at dinner!

I left the restaurant feeling like Violet on Willy Wonka.


What's worse is that I have lost a lot of the motivation I've had for the last few YEARS to work out. I definitely still force myself to go but I have no energy. Yesterday was the first time in my fitness life (which has only been about 7 years) that I've quit a gym class before it was over. I felt like such a failure! I know it's lame to beat myself up over a gym class but quitting along with this energy zap and my constant eating has only justified me feeling like complete and utter crap.

Where has my energy gone? Why have I been eating so crappily lately? Why can't I stop snacking?

And don't say that I'm pregnant. Blogosphere - I don't want to have to hurt anyone. I'm not preggers unless I'm one of the women that belong on that Discovery Health special, "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". And I'm not joking - there was really a special on Discovery Health titled that and it featured women who gave birth not knowing they were even pregnant. One woman actually thought she had to poop and gave birth to her son in a toilet. I'm not even kidding! Look it up! I didn't know if I should have been horrified or amused. I was just in shock.

Help me get my motivation back. Help me get back on track with my normal healthy diet. Help me!

Any tips on you can offer me, blogosphere?

I think Sunday will be the first night I try to cook a decent dinner. Maybe that's all I need to get back on track. I need to make the effort to prepare food again.

This weekend is going to be jam packed with lots of stuff. We're seeing "Wanted" tonight with Kristin and Jackson. I've got Dragonboat practice at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow (and yeah - this zap in energy is so not going to help me make this team) and we're second shooting with Maria & Drew. Afterwards we'll be celebrating Courtney's big 3-0. I've got to fit a nap in there somewhere. I also have to fit in getting a new bra. My washing machine ate my bra. I didn't know it was that hungry. But I digress… Sunday is someone's bridal shower but she isn't supposed to know about it. She totally does. Want to know why? Her MOH didn't indicate that the shower was a surprise on anyone's invitation. Nice, huh?

I hope I get to sleep soundly somewhere in this jam packed weekend. What's everyone else up to?

What Do You Mean I Have To Tryout Again?

So... as many of you know, I've been trying my hardest to make sure that I make my company's dragonboat team. Why? I have no idea. I don't particularly enjoy getting doused in dirty harbor water nor do I enjoy the extreme pain I feel in my back from the awkward rowing motion. It's just my competitive nature and the fact that I have invested this much time and pain already.

Just to recap:

- Tryouts were at the end of March. MARCH. I did okay.
- They informed us in April that we made it through the first round. First round?!
- They mention that there is a non-company sponsored race in DC this weekend so that they were going to be practicing and that newbies were welcome to participate without guarantee of being on the boat.

So I've been going to every practice. I really like the people and it's actually kind of fun (minus the dirty and smell factor and the pain). It appeared that I had made the team for the DC race (but I have a hunch that this had more to do with the need for people than the fact that I'm awesome... as much as I'd love to believe that).

Well, the race was cancelled. It was a 2-day festival but due to the nutty weather that's been happening, the water is overflowing (or something crazy like that). I paid my fee (yes, I was asked to pay a fee since this is non-company sponsored) but it appears that I can't do the an entire weekend of the other "tentative" dates.

At the last practice, I coyly asked the captain "Is it safe to assume that we're done with tryouts now" and I batted my eyes a few times for effect.

The answer?
"Unfortunately this isn't technically the tryout phase for the September race. This was for the race in DC and many people that made it through the first round haven't been able to participate this month. To be fair, we have to give them a chance." What?!

And then there was mention of holding another physical tryout. For what?! These a-holes haven't been coming. I'm in my final weeks of class and I'm still showing up. I suggested that the tryouts should include boxing but that seemed to go over all of the returning paddlers heads. "Oh - is that what you guys do over in your building?" Um, no. I mean I want to box it out with the competition because this is BULLSHIT!

Now how do I politely say, "I want my money back, fool!"

Since I had planned to race this weekend, I didn't have other fantastic plans made. But now The Mr and I have declared that we're going to do a thorough spring cleaning of our basement to get rid of the clutter (and the bajillion bags that I hoard) and to reorganize. Sadly - I am really f'n excited about this. A clean and organized room! Hooray!

I hope your weekends are a hell of a lot cooler than mine.

Oh - and I signed up for a bootcamp class at Patterson Park. It's 2 nights a week for 8 weeks. I'm going to miss the last week and I inquired about being able to make it up or at least get a refund. Nope. A-holes. This class isn't cheap! Theresa is lucky that I heart her.

Let Them Eat Cake!

A couple of people have asked me how The Mr's P90x workout is going. Saturday was his 90th day so he is officially done. And I finally have my desserts buddy back.

We looked over the pics from day 1 and compared them to now... and its crazy. I think he's only lost about 10-15 lbs but the difference is amazing. We went to his parents' house yesterday and I think they think he's manorexic. He looks it. He just got his official body fat percentage calculate this morning (calipers) and its a staggering 4.3. I told him that if he were a woman, his period would have stopped a long time ago. I think that number scared the shit out of him because he's looking to add more to his nutrition plan.

And did I mention I have my desserts buddy back? I have an awful sweet tooth. You would have thought having 6 cavities would have stopped me but it really didn't. It stopped me for about a week but I just love it. Desserts are my weakness. Normally, I'd get a dessert at dinner or buy some ice cream from the store knowing that The Mr. would at least split it in half with me. These 90 days have been killing me! I've doubled my intake of sweets.

So to commemorate his finishing his stupid workout, I baked him a chocolate chip cake with chocolate frosting. While the presentation was lacking (I tried to use my cake dome... and the transfer from the cake pan to the dome didn't go very well), it was fucking amazing. Here's the recipe because everyone needs to go home and bake this cake. You will thank me. Or you will curse me after you spend the evening licking the bowl clean from batter and frosting... not that I did that or anything.

The recipe called for sour cream and I thought that was really weird... but I guess it made the cake dense enough so that the chocolate chips didn't sink to the bottom. And it made it really creamy. Did I mention that its fucking amazing?

I found the recipe here but in case you don't feel like clicking the link, here's the info copied and pasted for your viewing pleasure.

Cake:
1-1/2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
3/4 cup chopped, good-quality milk chocolate chips
(or use miniature semisweet chocolate chips)
1 tsp. baking soda
Pinch salt
3/4 cup dairy sour cream
1/4 cup plus 2 Tbsp. water
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup plus 1 Tbsp. granulated sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1 egg, graded "large"

Frosting:
1 cup (6 ounces) good-quality milk chocolate chips
1/3 cup (2 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips
Few grains salt
2/3 cup dairy sour cream, well-stirred

For Cake:
Grease and flour a 7 by 11 pan, at least 1-1/2 inches deep (alternatively, use a 9 inch square pan of the same depth). Set aside. Adjust rack to center of oven; preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Combine about 1 tablespoon (no need to measure) of sifted flour in a small bowl with chocolate chips. Stir to coat chips well; set aside. Sift together remaining flour with baking soda and salt. In another small bowl, combine sour cream and water. With fork, beat to mix (mixture may be lumpy—OK).

In large bowl, cream softened butter, sugar, and vanilla for a minute or two until light and fluffy (I use a sturdy, hand-held mixer to make this, but you can do so by hand if you wish). Add egg and beat in well, scraping bowl bottom and sides thoroughly. Beginning and ending with sifted dry ingredients, add dry ingredients in thirds and sour cream mixture in halves, beating at low speed after each addition just until blended. Batter will be thick. Remove from mixer. Fold in chocolate chips (and any extra flour with them). Turn batter into prepared pan and spread level, then, with back of spoon, spread slightly higher in corners and along edges of pan.

Bake in preheated oven for 23 to 27 minutes, turning pan back-to-front once about halfway during baking time. Cake is done when toothpick inserted near center emerges with only a few moist crumbs clinging to it. Do not overbake. Remove to cooling rack. While cake cools, the top, which domed during baking, should flatten out. Cool completely before frosting.

For Frosting:
In small heatproof bowl, combined chocolate chips and salt. Place over hot water on low heat (water should not touch bottom of bowl); stir often until melted and smooth. Leave bowl over hot water. All at once, add sour cream. Stir in briskly (a whisk is a big help here). Mixture will clump and "seize" at first, but should smooth out as whisked. Remove frosting from heat and hot water. If necessary, allow to cool to room temperature, stirring occasionally (frosting will thicken slightly as it cools).

Spread cooled frosting evenly over top of cake. Chill, covering tightly when cold. Store in refrigerator for up to several days.

Nothing says, "Congrats on losing all that weight and ridiculous amount of body fat" like a super fattening piece of cake. I told The Mr. I was going to start injecting lard into his food if he didn't gain some body fat back.

The dogs have been extra cuddly with me lately and while I love the attention, I can't help but think that its because The Mr is lacking body fat to keep them warm anymore.

Pain and a Competitive Spirit

Yesterday I did something different. I tried out for something physical related to my company.

I mentioned this the other day, but I tried out for my company's "crew team" that competes every 2 years against other large companies in the area. One of the guys on the team attempted to get me to try out 2 years ago but as soon as I heard that practice was every Saturday in the summer from 9-11am, I responded with pffft! as if!

Now that I'm older and much less cooler (i.e. I can't handle going out too much anymore and the idea of staying up late makes me sleepy), I thought I'd give it a go. Its a good way to get me active in the summer, I can work on a tan and I can network a little bit.

Yesterday was my tryout. The tryouts consisted of:
- push-ups (modified - and as many as you could do in a minute)
- sit-ups (as many as you could do in a minute)
- chin-up hang (hold yourself above the bar for as long as possible)
- row 500 meters twice and the average is taken

I arrived at the tryouts a little early so only 2 women were there. The coach let us begin (and thank god we did because the gym was PACKED after that with people trying out). One woman was a middle-aged mom. She wasn't overweight but she didn't appear to be in top physical form either. The other woman was a 22 year old, just out of college girl wearing a college women's rugby shirt. Shit.

The mom did okay on the push-ups (29), sit-ups (not sure, I had to pee!) and could only hold herself up for 10 seconds. But she was able to row 500 meters in 1:59. Naturally I thought, if SHE can do it, I certainly can do it.

I ran through the first activities at the same time as Rugby girl. Hot damn - she did 54 push-ups! I've been repeating that all day and nobody seems nearly as impressed as me but hot damn. I tried to keep pace with her only to crap out early. I did 36.

My competitive juices were now flowing so I HAD to beat her in sit-ups. Rugby girl = 63. Me = 67. Winner!

For the chin-up hang, I assumed she was going to be tough competition but she crapped out after 10 seconds. I held on for dear life for 39 seconds. I probably could have stayed up longer but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to do anything for days afterwards.

Rugby girl rowed 500 meters about 2:10 each time. This confused me since she was obviously stronger than the mom.

I rowed around 2:07.

I can't begin to express just how sore I am today.

We won't find out who made the team for another 2 weeks but as I was leaving, I saw a ton of athletic ladies hanging out. I'm hoping that the fact that I'm loud and sometimes crazy will work in my favor (I know one of the coaches on the team).

We shall see.

You Know You're Old When...

You are hungover from 2 vodka tonics. Oy!

Saturday was our first kickball game and I didn't drink... at all. I used to drink all day during kickball season but now its getting tougher to even contemplate drinking before noon.

It was gorgeous outside and while most of the team reconvened in the park for some bocce ball, frisbee and drinking outdoors... I went to the movies to watch The Other Boleyn Girl. Btw - don't waste your time. It was doo doo.

I didn't have a single drink until we were at the bar... and that was around 7pm. I had 2 drinks, just 2 and felt FINE when I left. Around 2am I woke up feeling sick as a dog and had to eat some crackers, take some Aleve and drink glass after glass of water to make me feel better.

I'm an old lady!

Sunday, I ran in the Shamrock Run 5k. I love this race mostly because its one of the easiest 5k races (about half of it is downhill) and everyone dresses festively. Oh and they serve you beer at the end.

The Mr told me that I looked nerdtacular.

About 2 miles into the race, I thought I was going to vomit. It was awful! The Mr said he actually saw a kid vomit during the race while his dad was yelling at him to 'keep going!' Even so, this was my best 5k time ever: 27:49. That's about a 9:18 mile pace and that's frickin' amazing for me.

I think it was because of the socks. Since I looked slightly festive, I couldn't crap out... I had to keep going. And there was a girl with a strange limp/run that motivated me. If she could do it, I could do it (and she beat me).

The Mr finished in under 21 minutes and Megan kicked my ass at 25:06.

So I felt pretty good when the race was over until I drank a beer... at which point my hangover returned and I ended up curled in the fetal position on my couch for the next few hours. Have I said oy yet?

The Workout Resolution

You know... I'm all for people wanting to be healthier. I really am and I even encourage it (especially with my parents).

As a regular member of a gym, however, I loathe the month of January. The gym is crowded and people are f'ing up my routine! Get off of my machine, a-holes. I've been a regular member for YEARS. Where has your ass been?

Anywho - lucky for me... February generally clears out the non-serious folks and I can get back to my normal routine.

My gym sends out a monthly newsletter and there was a particular blurb that I found to be so true and I thought I'd share (with some of my own commentary sprinkled in):

How to NOT Make the Most of Your Gym Time

We all have experimented with various techniques to make going to the gym more pleasing. But are our tricks actually helping us or hindering us? Here are some common mistakes people make by trying to trick themselves into passing time at the gym.

- Do more talking than exercising. Being friendly and personal is great, but striking up conversations with co-workers or the staff is a wonderful way to take away from time that could be spent burning calories and exercising muscles other than the ones that move your jaw.
This one drives me CRAZY. Now, I understand that people feel that having a friend to workout with is a great motivator. There is something horribly annoying, however, about the people who aren't even breaking a sweat because they're running their yappers. They should have just taken a stroll outside and gotten off the f'n machine that I wanted to use! Even so - I hate when people try to chat me up while I'm working out... especially when I'm dripping with sweat, red-faced and huffing to catch my breath. Hello? I can barely breathe let alone chat with you.

- Get engrossed in the TV. Many look at the televisions as the sugar that helps the exercise go down. But chances are you slow down during exciting parts, and end up concentrating on the show more than on your workout. Who cares if you’re burning only half the calories you should be? At least you know the latest goings on in Britney’s life!
A couple of weeks ago at the gym, a woman asked if she could switch the channel on the TV that I was obviously watching. Because I only had a few minutes left on the treadmill, I said I didn't mind and then she promptly switched it to... JUDGE JOE BROWN. For the next half hour, I watched her slowly peddle on the bike (not breaking a sweat) chatting with her girlfriend about the nonsense on JUDGE JOE BROWN. Last week, I saw a guy completely engrossed in his PSP while on the bike. He must have been peddling about 1 mph because he was too busy trying to score in his video basketball game. He would have been better off playing ACTUAL basketball.

- Work out half-heartedly. It’s enough that you found time in your super-packed schedule to get down to the gym, why add to the work you put in behind the desk by working hard there too? Heaven forbid you actually break a sweat during your lunch hour!
Okay - this one annoys me too. I see plenty of women (I hate to call out my gender here) that are too worried about getting sweaty to actual do anything of substance. Stay home. Go out to lunch. Don't waste your time at the gym. If you're not breaking a sweat, get out of my way.

- Substitute quantity for quality. One hour of strolling on the treadmill while watching tv or chatting with your neighbor is not the same as one hour of walking as if you were late for a hot date or an important interview.

Look - I know its tough to go from not working out to working out. I've been there. But what is the point if you're not even really trying? Its annoying to the rest of us! And its generally the half-hearted people who quit in February. Gee - could it be because you're not taking this new lifestyle change seriously? Or is it because you're not seeing any results?

UGH! Oh - and if you're wondering where my workout rant is coming from... I've always kind of been a nut about working out. Its just a part of my daily routine and I'm lucky enough to have a gym at my office. However, its reached a critical level because The Mr. has been getting into super serious shape and is getting all beefcake on me. I don't like that we're within 10 lbs of each other. Granted - I could NEVER give up carbs but still. Its made me step up my game.