Hey Yo!

Much to The Mr's delight, Theresa has agreed to walk my dogs with me so that I'm not alone. While I still don't think she'd really fend off any potential killers or rapists, it's nice to have someone with me when things like this occur.

So what am I talking about? Aside from repeatedly referring to my dogs as "our" dogs whenever other dog owners commented on my pooches and making us out to seem like extreme lesbos (we have been asked in the past if we were "um… roommates?"), I had a nice time chatting with T-boh.

I was telling her about some of the spooky things that had happened the last couple of times I walked my dogs alone (a man videotaped me… VIDEOTAPED ME! If that doesn't scream serial killer, I don't know what does…) when we approached a bizarre scene.

On one side of the large path was a gaggle of men from south of the border.

On the other side of the large path was a small group of addicts. I've lived in Baltimore for enough years to be able to spot an addict.

We kept hearing someone yell, "Hey yo!" but couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from. Well one of the lady addicts, who looked a bit like a prostitute, walked into the middle of the path towards the gaggle of spanish-speaking men and started pulling at her shirt.

No… she wouldn't… she isn't…
I'm sure she has a bra on…

Nope. The lady addict confirmed herself to be a prostitute and was soliciting sex from the gaggle by screaming "hey yo!" and lifting her shirt and rubbing her now very exposed, very unattractive boobs.

Luckily, there was a staircase leading down to the soccer field right before we crossed paths and I quickly turned left to avoid the prositution/addict ring.

Wtf?! Oh, Baltimore.

Anywho - I made another delicious concoction Sunday night and I think I may have learned the art of timing food properly. The rice was done around the same time as the main course! No more waiting an extra 30 minutes. It only took me 2 times to learn this lesson.

Chickpeas Romesco

Ingredients
1/3 cup sliced almonds
1 (28-oz) can diced tomatoes (fire roasted)
2 roasted red bell peppers (you can do this yourself or purchase them in a jar... I went with the jar)
3 tbsp olive oil
3 cloves of minced garlic
2 shallots, minced
1 red serrano chile, minced and seeded
1/4 cup white wine or veg broth
2 tsp red wine vinegar
2 tsp sugar
1 tsp dried thyme
1/2 tsp dried rosemary
2 (15-oz) cans chickpeas (drained and rinsed)
1/2 tsp salt
Freshly ground pepper

Directions
Use a food processor to grind the almonds into fine crumbs and set aside.

Use a food processor to puree the tomatoes and roasted peppers together until smooth.

Be warned, you should probably have a larger food processor or know better than to fill your very small food processor to the top before hitting "grind".



Preheat a med-sized heavy bottomed saucepan over medium heat. Saute the garlic, shallots and chile in oil (approx 4-5 min).


Pour in veg broth (or white wine... whatever you want to use). Simmer 1 min.

Add the tomatoe puree, vinegar, sugar, thyme and rosemary. Turn head to med-high and bring to a near boil. Lower the heat to med-low and simmer for approx 10 min.

Add the ground almonds and stir into the mixture. Fold in the chickpeas and simmer uncovered for approx 20-25 minutes.


Remove from heat and season with salt and pepper.

Based on the suggestion of the writers, I paired this with the saffron-garlic rice. I should say that this was a saffron-less rice though because saffron is fucking crazy expensive.

Saffron-Garlic Rice

Ingredients
1 3/4 cup water
1 veg bouillon cube Had I read ahead, I would have realized that this was to make your own "vegetable broth". My suggestion? Just buy vegetable broth.
Pinch of saffron threads (5-6 threads) Or you can save yourself the $15 and skip this like I did but you'll have to say you just made garlic rice and I'm not sure how fancy that sounds.
2 tbsp olive oil
5 cloves of minced garlic
1 small yellow onion, diced
1 cup of rice (I chose my trusty brown rice... so I remembered that I had to double the liquid)
Pinch of ground coriander
Salt and ground white pepper
1/3 cup of toasted sliced almonds (optional) You can probably guess that I skipped this. Toast it? Too much effort.

In a med saucepan, boil the water, add the bouillon cube and stir until dissolved. Add the saffron threads and turn off heat, set aside.

Preheat a med-size pot over med heat. Saute the garlic in oil (approx 3-4 min). Add the onion and continue to saute (approx 5-6 min).

Add the rice and stir for about 1 min.

Pour in the warm veg broth and stir in coriander. Cover and bring to a boil.

Let the rice simmer for about 20-25 min until the liquid has been absorbed and rice is tender.


Add together... Voila!

CBFTA

The older I get, the less patience I have for bullshit. I have put my foot in my mouth a number of times (and as Geoff said, "I've noticed that your mouth gets you into some trouble") and quite frankly, it's starting to irritate me.

And no, I don't mean my mouth is irritating me. I mean the reactions I am receiving to the things that I spew (verbal diarrhea if you will) are what irritate me.

I am an open book. It's hard for me to keep anything about myself a secret from anyone because what's the point? I'm trying to think of something horribly embarrassing to share with all of you right now just to prove my point but I can't think of anything. Hmmm… I'll just make a quick list of embarrassing things:

- When I was a freshman in high school, I had a SERIOUS crush (think borderline stalker) on a ridiculously HOT Puerto Rican senior. Even typing that gave me goosebumps. I would follow him in the halls adoringly. I even wore my friend's Adidas skirt to school one day because he had complimented her once on it. I swiped a picture of him at homecoming that he had given to his teacher AND IT IS STILL HANGING ON MY MIRROR IN MY PARENTS' HOUSE. I also attended his graduation with my friend just to see him. Psycho much? I have heard that his looks have gone downhill but I refuse to believe it!

- I didn't have my first kiss until I was 16. I was petrified of going there (kissing) when the time came. All of my friends had been smooching away and some even went so far as to [gasp] make out! Maybe even let a boy touch their boobie! My best friend was already sexually active. But it was like the longer it took for me to finally kiss someone, the more nervous I got. I found myself in several awkward situations of just turning my head and acting like a complete dork because I didn't know what to do.

It took drinking a fifth of some crappy licorice flavored alcohol for me to build up any sort of nerve and some coaxing from a friend. I smooched a Catholic private school boy at a New Year's Eve party. When I had realized that he was wearing a mock-neck turtleneck, I avoided him for the rest of the evening. The horror! A mock-neck!!

- I quickly went on to lose my virginity about 3 months later. Talk about playing catchup! And I skipped all of the "build up" steps between. I wish I could say it was a magical moment with a boy I cared about but truth be told, I hated this guy. He was such a TURD. I wanted to leave but my friend really liked his friend so I was stuck. What did I do? I drank myself into a stupor and the next thing I knew - well, you get the idea. And "Welcome to the Jungle" was playing on the radio. Talk about magic.

These aren't even that bad because really, who cares? All of these embarrassing and ridiculous things made me who I am today. I even have some scandal in my life that perhaps I'll share at a later time. But everyone in my life knows my dirt. And I don't give a crap.

The problem is that I don't know my boundaries with other people. If you share something with me I'll probably end up sharing it unless it's something horrific or just plain mean. Nothing angers me more than smack-talking when you're not willing to say that smack to the person's face.

Now there are limits. I won't tell you that you smell like poop, look like poop or anything that I think is just plain hurtful. But I will tell you that I think you're rude, you hurt my feelings, you're being completely ridiculous and you've done something to make me mad. Life is too short to harbor resentful feelings.

The problem with my directness is that I don't know how to handle a sensitive person. I've encountered this a few times and in fact, applauded Kristin when she finally grew a pair and told me that I was pissing her off (I'm still proud of you, schmoop). That's what I want! Why can't more people be this honest? Friends can make each other mad. And friends should be able to say, "hey - you're an ass" and get over it. Why does everything have to be so dramatic?

I'm not being cryptic here and it wasn't any one incident that is bringing about this post (so calm down if you're reading this and thinking, "Is she talking about me?"). It's a lot of little things that I've noticed over the last year and quite frankly, I'm getting too old for this. And to quote Geoff again, "Seriously, when did speaking your mind become such a faux pas?" Amen.

So because of this, Geoff and I decided to form the "Crotchety Bitches Foundation for Truth and Awareness" (of CBFTA!) because the 'Awareness' part makes it sound like a reputable organization (according to Geoff).

Wanna join? Let's speak our minds!

Remembering the Good Ol' Days

I'm sure we've all seen these articles at some point but they still manage to make me laugh. It's kind of scary to think that this was the shared belief in our society at one point about women and their place in the household and workforce.

Enjoy!

(click to enlarge)


Some of my favorite parts are:
3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.
Seriously - if I haven't washed my hands AT LEAST 10 times, I don't get anything done.

So this article made me do a quick search on the famous "How to be a Good Housewife" article.

(click to enlarge)


According to this article, I'm an awful housewife! Haha... I definitely don't make dinner (unless cereal counts!) and I don't see to it that The Mr can relax for the evening. Ha!

How many of you make good housewives or employees? The only good thing for me in the employee guide is that I'm a young married woman. Apparently that makes me less likely to flirt and gives me the need to work.

Rick Astley Would Never...

I got this forwarded to me yesterday (from Eric!) and laughed really ridiculously hard (although I'm not sure that everyone would agree that it was as hilarious as I found it):



And in case you still don't get it:



Happy Friday! Hope everyone has fabulous plans. I'll be holed up in my house working on school projects.

Random Posting

Ryan e-mailed me a message of You MUST! CHECK! OUT! WOOT! NOW! Okay, it was more of a "Hey - check out Woot now and read the description."

I don't check this site often and just wait for Ryan to tell me where is something interesting on there but I know its quite popular. Anywho - the item right now is a Roomba vacuum (which I loathe) but the description was hilarious and heart-warming (unintentially, I'm sure):

Dear Brian & Sarah -

You’ve probably noticed by now that I’ve run away. I may only be a dog, but I could see where things were headed around here. I decided to make it easy on all of us and move on.

Please, don’t try to pretend nothing’s changed. Ever since the iRobot Roomba 4290 came into our lives, I’ve been getting less and less attention. Fewer tummy rubs. Less frequent treats. Have you even noticed that my rubber-newspaper chew toy has been lodged between the stove and the cabinet for weeks now? Have you even heard me whimpering for it?

Forget it. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m way past that now. I mean, how could I blame you for choosing the iRobot Roomba 4290 over me? I make messes – it cleans them up. You have to get up in the morning and let me out, but all you have to do for the Roomba is program its scheduler. I see the way you’ve been fawning over it, telling all your friends about it, knitting that little sweater for it. I get it. You’ve found a new best friend.

Funny thing is, you picked the 4290 with me in mind. Remember what you told me when you brought it home? Remember the promises you made? “Look, boy, it’s specially designed to pick up pet hair effectively,” you cooed. “The Intellibin tells us when it’s full. It’s got bump sensors so it won’t run your paws over. And if you flip it over, it’ll shut off automatically, so you won’t hurt your little nose sniffing at its moving parts.” You didn’t think I understood. Well, I understood every word. I went along with your dream, the dream of the four of us together always. What a fool I was.

But I’ll find a home somewhere. Please don’t try to find me. It’s better this way. All I ask is, the next time you’re emptying the Intellibin and you find a wisp of golden-brown fur with a touch of grey, remember that little puppy who used to bark at his reflection in the sliding doors. He wasn’t such a bad little mutt, was he?

Your old best friend,

Rascal

Sometimes I feel like I've turned into a HUGE nerd when it comes to animals... especially dogs. Eric periodically sends me internet pictures of dogs in cute little costumes because its my vice. I love it. Nothing is cuter and I get that its sort of degrading to the animal but gah! Its so cute!

Even so - its this bizarre love of dogs that gets my panties all in a bunch when I hear how friends who have no business owning a dog, throw it down the stairs when it pees in the bed or wipes up the pee WITH THEIR DOG or even keep the leash on their dog ALL THE TIME so that they can yank him around when he makes a mess. How about you guys just give the dog up to a rescue so that a loving family can look after him? Hmmm?

And another random note - I was perusing The Nest's message boards (I do this randomly from time to time) and a girl was ranting about how her boss had just given her dogs (labs) away to a shelter. She was furious. I didn't get it. At least her boss was responsible enough to recognize that she couldn't care for the dogs.