You know - I always hear/read about how hard marriage is and how you really have to work hard at it but have never related to that. Marriage so far has been easy. We get along great! Sure we bicker and dealing with each other's families isn't always fun but overall, nothing about this marriage has been stressful or hard.
As many of you know, The Mr is starting law school in the fall. He's going to be working full-time and attending evening classes part-time (and amazingly that will still take up 4 nights a week!). With this schedule, he will finish law school in 4 years (as opposed to the typical 3 years).
I've always worked and gone to school. In undergrad, I worked full-time and attending classes full-time. I'm used to this. While grad school is kind of a cake walk for me (aside from the fuckwits that I manage to team up with occasionally), I'm sure law school will be a completely different experience for The Mr and it's something that I can't relate to since I have no idea what law school truly entails.
Anywho - blah blah blah, right? Well one of The Mr's old co-workers who is in the same program that he is about to enter mentioned that she wished she would have switched to full-time when she had the chance. She went on to say that as a full-time law student, you have access to so many opportunities that the evening part-timers don't.
The Mr playfully suggested going full-time to which I freaked out. A one income household?! Ack! We have a mortgage! We have bills! If you can't tell, I worry about finances a lot. I guess I just don't want to end up in my parents' position.
We also like to travel, buy stuff, do stuff... and all of that costs money. The Mr said he could take a student loan to cover living expenses but I'm not okay with that. I am still paying back my undergrad student loans and that didn't include living expenses. I don't want to constantly be in debt.
But I'm torn. As a good partner, I should support him and encourage him to go full time to get exposed to all of the great opportunities afforded to full-timers. But then at the same time, I don't want to end up resenting him because I can't travel anymore (before babies and I'm definitely on a timeline with that) or because we're hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt or because we'll have to eat ramen noodles forever.
I guess this is my first test of marriage? The Mr told me not to worry and that we should just see how his first semester as an evening part-timer goes. Apparently this school allows people to switch from part-time to full-time within the first year. We shall see...
What would you do?
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I'd wait it out to see if the opportunities would be worth it. In any case everything will work itself out :)
I don't that that full-time students were afforded more opportunities, speaking as a full-timer! In fact, after taking the mandatory core classes that all law students have to take first, once I started picking my classes, I ended up taking a lot of night classes, because a ton of the interesting classes are held at night, by adjunct professors. I would say that the only thing that I loved doing that I believe one can only do during the day was the clinic program. Other than that, if I had to do it over again, I might very well go at night, the teachers are more interesting and the classes are smaller. And living poor was not fun. Not fun at all. :)
I would see how the first semester goes. I don't have experience with law school, but it seems like the connections he would make even as a part-timer would be great. Then, if he wants to go full time, that's the time to be supportive and "sacrifice." It sucks, and I totally know what you mean about not wanting to resent! I supported my bf through his paramedic school last year - and that was only a year - and now I'm going hog wild trying to cram in travel and concerts and fun stuff before we buy a house! I'm sure you guys will figure out a balance that works for you - just remember it's different for every couple, and the right thing will present itself!
My husband is a full time PhD student. I don't think he could do it part time simply because we like to see each other, classes aren't offered in the evenings that he needs to take and he is in the research field that would require him to take days off work at a time to get research labs completed. But again his is research based and law school is, uh, law based?
In regards to the financial part, it blows. We went from two full incomes to cutting our income in more than half. I took a paycut moving here and he took a drastic paycut as a Master's student to be a PhD student. He does get paid bc he is on a research assistantship (they pay to go to school and he gets a stipend). If you took into account how much school costs, he actually makes about $40K a year. But we don't see anywhere near $40k a year as actual income. His program is 4-5 years. Financially, we don't do anything luxurious. We just can't. It is either pay the mortgage, groceries, bills and various projects that we take on or go on trips and go out to eat. We ate out at Subway last week and it was the first time we had "eaten out" in months. AT SUBWAY. So yes, it is hard to give up those luxuries. But in the long run it is so worth it.
When he was deciding whether or not to go to school the main factor was either do it now and just suck it up or wait ten years and then have to change lifestyles completely. Who knows what our lifestyle, mortgage and family will look like then. We didn't want to have him at a certain income that was supporting our family and then have to completely get rid of that. I feel like in the long run it will be so much better than if he had went to school when he was 40.
I would think that the opportunities alloted by him going full-time would make it worthwhile in the long run.
But then, I don't know much about law school.
Legos? Now that is something I know about.
I've already given my opinion but I totally think it's a personal preference. Again, I don't know how Ian would feel about not seeing me 4 nights a week, plus the nights per week that I'm studying with a group or by myself. Pros and cons to both! But if he's planning on working as an attorney, I would think that he could cut down on the loans fairly quickly.
And while I do think cutting back would be somewhat necessary - traveling and eating out I don't think disappear! At least I'm not planning on it!
Oy, that's a tough one. You and your husband sound a lot like me and Jon. We both love to travel and are trying to travel as much as we can before we start having babies. He started grad school last fall and in order for us to keep our current standard of living, he had to opt for being a part-time evening student. We also opted for that because his job pays for part of grad school, but of course he has to keep working there to get that benefit. Good luck with everything!
tough call. i would say check out the first semester before making a decision.
the only pro i can see offhand to him going full time is that you could look at it as an investment into your future--that is, if full timers are really afforded more opportunities, then maybe in the future you'll be glad because he landed a sweet position or something.
but ultimately, its for you two to figure out with all the other priorities you have and things you want to accomplish..... that's a tough one!
I'd start doing the financial planning now before the first semester starts to see if its even feasible. And be realistic that you still want to travel and buy stuff. Weigh the pros and cons, cost and benefits to full and part time school and maybe taking a loan for parts of it. I can see where it could be beneficial to go full time, but only if you are both able to handle the results of that decision. Good luck girl. This is a tough one.
My wife quit working after baby #1 got kicked out of daycare and I was only making $35k at the time. Spending came to a halt, but we managed. If you have to, you can do it.
I did the part time grad school full time work thing - it became more difficult when my clinical work (social work) demanded some of the work time and I needed to cut back to part time but we did it. It was no fun. I agree with most other posters here, since he has the option to switch during year one, try it on and decide from there. There is something wonderful about finishing a year earlier than you thought, but it comes at a high price.
Stuff like that is always hard. My hubs made a switch from a steady job to starting a company and it was really hard to be supportive and balance that with nerves about our financial situation. But it's worked out well, and I'm glad I didn't say no. That said, it's a little different from your situation. And student loans do suck. But first year attorneys can make a fair amount, so it may be a good gamble.
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