I'm using today's post as more of a "Dear Diary..." type of thing (and to quote Ben, "I keep hearing the closing music of Doogie Howser as I type").
Anywho - so, as I declared awhile ago, I am trying to be a nicer person. No more negativity. Now I'm not going into that whole "power of positive" because lots of things and lots of people still irritate me so I'm not going to give them the Care Bear stare until they change.
I recognize that after the wedding, I changed a little. It was strange. I know some newlywed women claim to go through "wedding withdrawal". They go through some sort of depression about no longer being the bride-to-be with nothing to plan. No more big special day filled with presents, attention and a pretty dress.
I didn't go through withdrawal but I was hostile. I was mean. I was (wait for it) a Negative Nelly. I don't know where this came from (well I think a part of it had to do with the "drama" then went down right before the wedding) but I know that some people felt the effects of it. It was just a bizarre thing for me. I was much cattier, much more irritable and I kind of withdrew for awhile.
As the year progressed - I wasn't withdrawn anymore, I was just a bitch. Some would still argue that I'm a bitch and I can't really argue with them. You either like someone or you don't. I'm not here to please everyone.
So I found myself really projecting my negative feelings onto certain people so much so that everyone wanted to get my opinion on these people for everything. People thought it was funny. They'd call me with scoops just to get my reaction. I found myself just getting angry about everything people who were just annoying me did. How dare they BREATHE my air!
I was ridiculous.
Now that we're into 2008, I'm feeling a little different. I'm tired of being catty. I'm tired of being mean. And I am really tired of being accused of not liking people. Unless you've intentionally done something to hurt me or a loved one, I don't not like you.
I've been making an effort to be nicer, to think nicer and just to let stuff roll off my back. And I really just vent to The Mr now (because that's what husbands are for).
Recently - I have heard that someone has said that they think I talk about people too much. This kind of stung since I've taken on a new found attitude these last months and because, well... everyone does. Whether its your inner cirlce of friends, extended circle of friends, family, co-workers, etc... everyone gossips about everyone else. You can't escape it. And its not even women! I know plenty of dudes that run their yappers as well.
The thing that really upset me was that I heard a friend said this about me. So I find myself in a pickle. Do I say something? And I don't mean say something in the wave my finger furiously while shaking my head and yelling mean things kind of way but in a, "Is this what you really think of me?" kind of way.
Its hard for me to face someone and be nice to someone if they don't actually like me. I'd rather not play the nice games and just avoid that person if that's the case. So blogosphere - what would you do?
The Mr. thinks I'm blowing this way out of proportion and that perhaps things were just exaggerated to me. But I'd rather things not go down like they did for me back in 2001 when I stopped talking to 2 toxic friends (remember, Angie??) because there was so much talking behind each other's backs going on. It was stressful and upsetting and while they were toxic, its always kind of sad to lose a friend.
And I totally feel like I'm on an teen drama that is airing on the CW right now.
