Negative Nelly

This might end up being a sort of long post that isn't particularly funny or even entertaining. I'm apologizing in advance for that.

I'm using today's post as more of a "Dear Diary..." type of thing (and to quote Ben, "I keep hearing the closing music of Doogie Howser as I type").


Anywho - so, as I declared awhile ago, I am trying to be a nicer person. No more negativity. Now I'm not going into that whole "power of positive" because lots of things and lots of people still irritate me so I'm not going to give them the Care Bear stare until they change.

I recognize that after the wedding, I changed a little. It was strange. I know some newlywed women claim to go through "wedding withdrawal". They go through some sort of depression about no longer being the bride-to-be with nothing to plan. No more big special day filled with presents, attention and a pretty dress.

I didn't go through withdrawal but I was hostile. I was mean. I was (wait for it) a Negative Nelly. I don't know where this came from (well I think a part of it had to do with the "drama" then went down right before the wedding) but I know that some people felt the effects of it. It was just a bizarre thing for me. I was much cattier, much more irritable and I kind of withdrew for awhile.

As the year progressed - I wasn't withdrawn anymore, I was just a bitch. Some would still argue that I'm a bitch and I can't really argue with them. You either like someone or you don't. I'm not here to please everyone.

So I found myself really projecting my negative feelings onto certain people so much so that everyone wanted to get my opinion on these people for everything. People thought it was funny. They'd call me with scoops just to get my reaction. I found myself just getting angry about everything people who were just annoying me did. How dare they BREATHE my air!

I was ridiculous.

Now that we're into 2008, I'm feeling a little different. I'm tired of being catty. I'm tired of being mean. And I am really tired of being accused of not liking people. Unless you've intentionally done something to hurt me or a loved one, I don't not like you.

I've been making an effort to be nicer, to think nicer and just to let stuff roll off my back. And I really just vent to The Mr now (because that's what husbands are for).

Recently - I have heard that someone has said that they think I talk about people too much. This kind of stung since I've taken on a new found attitude these last months and because, well... everyone does. Whether its your inner cirlce of friends, extended circle of friends, family, co-workers, etc... everyone gossips about everyone else. You can't escape it. And its not even women! I know plenty of dudes that run their yappers as well.

The thing that really upset me was that I heard a friend said this about me. So I find myself in a pickle. Do I say something? And I don't mean say something in the wave my finger furiously while shaking my head and yelling mean things kind of way but in a, "Is this what you really think of me?" kind of way.

Its hard for me to face someone and be nice to someone if they don't actually like me. I'd rather not play the nice games and just avoid that person if that's the case. So blogosphere - what would you do?

The Mr. thinks I'm blowing this way out of proportion and that perhaps things were just exaggerated to me. But I'd rather things not go down like they did for me back in 2001 when I stopped talking to 2 toxic friends (remember, Angie??) because there was so much talking behind each other's backs going on. It was stressful and upsetting and while they were toxic, its always kind of sad to lose a friend.

And I totally feel like I'm on an teen drama that is airing on the CW right now.

But I'm Trying to be Nicer!

Last night I met up with a bunch of the girls for dinner (its Baltimore Restaurant Week) at a fabulous Italian restaurant. Actually - I'm thankful for my friends in situations like these because it was tough finding restaurants that had vegetarian options.

AND I hadn't seen Suz since October. That's just insane!

Anywho - we were all catching up and whatnot when some gossip started to bubble up. I'm super guilty of gossiping. I can gossip about anything or anyone (celebrities are sadly included in this... and I say sadly because hello? Its not like I know these people). But I'm turning over a new leaf. My Inspirational Lunch post was genuine. Aside from all that "I don't know what I want to do in life" stuff... I really was getting tired of being catty, mean, etc. I don't want to be that person anymore.

Gossiping has gotten me into trouble in the past and I've definitely burned some bridges. I've also had my fair share of gossip spread about me (stupid karma). I think most people I know gossip. Sometimes its hard not to especially when situations arise where "so and so" and "so and so" were "totally making a scene last night!" or whatever. You want to talk about it. Laugh about it. Whatever.

So - I'm trying to not do that anymore. I'm taking on the approach of positive thinking. Its the power of positive, people.

A particular person came up in conversation last night and all of us in the circle pretty much share the same opinion of said person (and its not a good one). Although I would say that Amy and Megan are SO much nicer than I am. I have a tendency to show my feelings in my face. Stupid subconscious expressions! I'm also a bad liar.

What's my point? I didn't say anything bad! I'm trying to avoid the added commentary of "ew - did you see so and so's outfit?" and unnecessary cattiness like that. I will continue to report situations and events when asked but I'm going to do it as objectively as possible.

I've also realized that I just need to separate myself from foolish people. These are the people that make it difficult to NOT gossip or scream or be mean because they are ridiculous. So I'm cutting ties. I think its safer for me so that I can remain positive.

The best part of turning over this new leaf? I was told that I'm much funner when I'm mean. Ha! Traci even gave me an out and suggested that I should generally stay positive but when I'm with the girls, I can let it all out. While I love that suggestion... it would be like going on a diet Monday through Friday but allowing myself to pig out all weekend.

So... do you gossip? Or do you try to find the positive in people? If so, how do you do it? How do you deal with difficult people?