A Circle is a Desirable Shape, Right?

The gym I belong to (conveniently located in one of the buildings of my employer) does incentive programs from time to time to motivate gym members to actually work out more. Being the competitive nerd that I am, I generally enroll in these programs. I don't really need the motivation because it has just become a part of my morning routine.

The program they had over the holiday season was called, "Maintain - Don't Gain" where they took your measurements/weight before Thanksgiving and then again this week (after New Year's). The idea is that if you lose or maintain your original measurements/weight then you win. If you gain, you lose and owe them fitness points (points are redeemed for merchandise).

I usually sign up for this particular program and always choose measurements because my weight can fluctuate anywhere between 0-5 lbs depending on if I've pooped, drank too much water or my period is just around the corner. Yeah yeah, tmi. At least I don’t cheat! One woman I know had her weight taken right after lunch the first week and then re-weighed herself first thing in the morning without having eaten anything. You're only cheating yourself! I heard of another woman cheating at Weight Watchers. She actually suggested to another WW pal that they "wear heavy clothing" for their first weigh-in. What's the point? It's not like you're gearing up to wrestle a specific weight class in the big state finals. You're only cheating yourself when you play those games. But I digress…

This holiday season was kind of out of control for me. I think I'm a stress eater - and when you combine the whole crashing of the economy, fear of losing my job, being in grad school, having a husband in law school, dealing with turds and a whole smorgesbord of other things… you've got an out of control snacker. Also factor in the holidays which means that everyone and their mothers is throwing desserts at you.

It ended up with my pants fitting much too tight and me feeling icky and lethargic.

So - on Sunday, I decided I would partake in a detox diet. It's a 7-day plan that was sent to me via a GOOP newsletter. And yes, I realize that it's ridiculous that Gwyneth Paltrow would even claim to need to shed a few pounds but the reason I was drawn to this plan was that perhaps it would help me kick my sugar addiction.

I'm in day 5 of this plan. I can't believe I've made it this long. I didn't realize how much I grazed at work until I couldn't do it anymore. The first day was killer but now I'm used to it. And just know that I AM eating. Aaanywho… maybe I'll save the whole detox thing for another post.

I got remeasured today. I weighed myself and saw that I had lost a pound from the initial weigh-in (score!) so I figured the measurements wouldn't be much different.

Arms - ½ inch BIGGER. I wish I could say I had some Madonna-esque guns but sadly, I do not.
Chest - ¼ inch SMALLER. Seriously? God - why do you hate me?
Waist (Belly Button) - ½ inch BIGGER. YARG!
Hips - ¼ inch SMALLER.
Thighs - the same.
Calves - ¼ inch SMALLER.

Yes - because every woman strives for smaller boobs, hips and calves while increasing their arms and waistline.

And then it struck me. If I keep this up, I'll begin to take the shape of a circle.

I think 2009 should become the year of the circle. Fuck an hourglass figure. Give me a circle, dammit!