Some Reasons Why I'm Not Ready for Babies

Sunday was quite a hectic day for me. The Mr had to commit the full day to studying so I had to pick up the weekend errand slack that included: laundry, grocery shopping, dinner preparation, lunch for the week preparation and other miscellaneous shopping.

I was feeling a bit scatterbrained that day but the events that unfolded just proved to me why I'm in no way shape or form ready to be a parent. Unless it's a parent of a teenager in which case I'd just learn to accept their emo fashion and whiny music. Unless of course my child ends up being a nerd… and then I'd just have to pry them away from the world of Warcraft or Everquest. But I digress…

I hate grocery shopping when the market is packed. Whole Foods was packed on Sunday. I really just wanted to get the hell out of there but I realized, "Oh no! I forgot to bring my pack of reusable grocery bags!" I'm trying very hard to stick to this reusable bag thing. I always carry one in my purse. I looked at THAT bag, my groceries and then my purse. I shoved everything that wouldn't fit into the reusable bag into my purse. It was very tres chic to have a bunch of bananas hanging out of my purse.

As I struggled up the stairs to the parking garage, I tripped (up the stairs) and fell. I have a pretty nasty bruise on my shin, not to mention the bruise to my ego since a man was standing right behind me.

Reason I'm not ready for a baby? What if I was holding a baby in one of those uber stylish baby slings? I would have crushed my baby! Not to mention the fact that I was already struggling with 2 bags full of groceries. How would I balance that and a kid? You're not allowed to leave babies in cars, right? Man - how do parents do it?

So, I ran all of the other miscellaneous errands and it was time for dinner. I made another fabulous dish from the Veganomicon (I've been slacking on my dinner posts): Pumpkin baked ziti with caramelized onions and sage crumb topping.

As I was thinly slicing the onions, slowly and carefully I might add… the knife slipped on the onion and… I cut 2 of my fingers pretty badly. Although I've been showing some folks my wound this morning and they told me I'm a baby.

After I bled all over the cutting board, The Mr ran upstairs to grab some bandaids. I squealed when I put my cut under the water to rinse it off and cringed when The Mr tried to investigate just how bad the cut truly was. He bandaged me up and I continued on my way.

Because I was in such a state of panic and pain, I fucked up the sage crumb topping.

Regardless, it seemed the bleeding had stopped until I started doing dishes. I bled through the bandaid. As this was happening and I saw my life flash before my eyes, I ran to The Mr who was chatting with his folks and screamed, "I'm bleeeeeeeeeeding! Help me!"

The Mr poured rubbing alcohol on it and I kicked the sink base and the floor a few times but I survived.

Another reason I'm not ready for a baby? I can't even handle my own fucking cut… can you imagine if my child had cut themselves? Ha! I'd be passed out on the floor.

Also the pain of a cut to my finger was close to unbearable, I don't even want to think about having my vagina tear to my butthole.

Btw - if a piece of skin falls into my baked ziti and I eat it (unknowingly) - does it mean I'm no longer a vegetarian?