I had lunch with Angie over the weekend and of course the topic of mother-in-laws came up. I think most people are aware that I've had my fair share of MIL issues in the past. I'm happy to report that we've gotten past it and are now a-okay. I think I have the birth of a baby (not mine) to thank for that.
Aaanywho - I've also heard and even witnessed my fair share of MIL drama. While I think Carrie had the worst experience BY FAR, I think Angie's comes pretty close. But honestly - I don't know many women who have incredible relationships with their MILs.
Here's my theory - mothers of boys are a little bit crazy. There, I said it. I've noticed a shared belief amongst many people that a woman marries INTO a family. Why is it never really seen that a man marries into a family? I'm sure this is tied back to some ancient thing or whatever, but come on. It's 2008. Men take women's last names! Couples even combine last names to create whacky new ones!
I think it's time for the belief that a woman solely marries into a man's family needs to go away. I think when a man and woman marry, they become a new family. In-laws are "extended" family. But that's just me and is a constant battle I'm sure I will fight until I pop out a baby or two.
To get back to my "mothers of boys are a little bit crazy" theory, I've noticed that there seems to be tension whenever the wife of the son wants to spend time with her parents. I'm not talking about my experience here, I'm talking about almost every single one of my married girlfriends' experiences. It's so strange. It seems that there is this expectation that a wife should abandon her "old" family to enter into this new family (especially since she married INTO it).
I don't even know if this post makes any sense. I just think the whole thing is absurd.
On top of that - have you noticed that boys of these crazy mothers can't seem to "stand up" to them? I don't ever see this with girls. I'm completely honest with my mother. That's how I was raised. I don't have a problem telling her that The Mr. cannot climb up a tree to trim the branches that are wrapped around the electrical wires because it would kill him. But good luck getting him to tell his mom that she's out of line for making a bad racial comment! But I see this with a lot of couples. What is it about the mother/son relationship that makes it so tough to break through?
And that's it. I'm sure there are plenty of people who have lovely MILs and I'm not even insulting mine. It's just an interesting dynamic to see or even experience. I'm sure this all relates to Sigmund Freud somehow.
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9 comments:
My MIL is batshit crazy. completely.
I don't understand the whole mother/son dynamic either! Ian has no problem telling me when I'm being rude or mean or when I'm out of line - why is it that guys have trouble saying to their moms to back off?! I am hoping to have a great relationship with my MIL - but I do notice that she's a tad too excited that we're moving back to Baltimore. I'm pretty sure we'll have to set some ground rules about how often we see parents once we're up there. Otherwise she'll want to have dinner a few times per week.
I'm completely with you on this one - and the thing about once you're married, parents become a bit like extended family!
Don't even want to get me started on my MIL. I will have a plethora of new stories after this July 4th. They are supposedly coming for 4 days. AND STAYING AT OUR HOUSE. SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. LORD PLEASE HAVE MERCY. I am already contemplating having to work the holiday Friday. Despite the fact that the entire university has the day off. But I totally have to be on my best game the entire time she is there, like making the best food, having a spotless house, etc... Just to show her up.
What about recipes? My MIL will not share with me. So when she compliments me and says, oh, i'll have to get that recipe, I shove her off and never give it her. Hell, she doesn't share, why should I? But I would give it to anyone else who asked.
In regards to not standing up to his mother, WTH! I didn't realize this was universal! THANK THE LORD!
While I would say that I never stand up to my mother, I would also disagree that my wife married into my family. Instead, I married into hers, as did everyone else that married someone related to my wife.
Hahahaha. Oh, I don't think I should say anything about this.
You've read about my problems. I'm taking notes of what not to do when my son has his own wife... I hope not to be one of those nutty mother in laws!
I've been extremely lucky with my own MIL to not experience this at all, but of course, she lives overseas, so maybe that helps??? We'll see what happens when they move back to the US this summer...
But, in general, yes, I do see what you're talking about in a number of my friends relationships. But for my own views, they line up with yours... (And actually, since his family is so far away, it seems more like my husband married INTO my family, at least so far ;)
I never really thought about how people think a woman marries into her husband's family but not the other way around. I'm not married yet, but already Brad is much more a part of my family than I am his. I hope it stays that way. :0
i'm not even married - but watching my own mother interact w/ my brother and his girlfriend makes me think she might be crazy...and that's MY OWN MOM. True - mother's are nuts with their sons.
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