I'm still sick. My body doesn't feel completely zapped of energy anymore but I still have a sore throat and now I've moved into phase 2: coughing.
The worst part of a sore throat is when you have to cough on top of that. I try to suppress it (despite looking as though I'm constipated) but it never works. And I'm coughing up mucus (and you're welcome for the nice image that popped into your head).
The problem? I can't spit. I mean, I can spit a little, but I've never been about to hock a loogie. NEVER. I've tried. I've tried plenty of times. Believe me - it was all the rage growing up. I was jealous of my friends who could not only hock loogies, but could actually generate so much spit that they could lean over and dangle it out of their mouths for a good 12 inches and suck it back in.
I can't do any of that.
And so I have to swallow my mucus.
And now my farts smell like I died.
Where the hell did everyone learn to spit?
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11 comments:
Lovely blog post. I can't remember where I learned to spit but basically you cough and you feel something back there so you try to close off your pipe to keep it up and kind of do a swallowing motion at the same time... this brings it forward and you can spit it. Hope you feel better soon.
I don't know how to spit either so I'm anxious to see all of these reponses! I can blow a mean snot rocket though, thanks to years of running :)
Even when you're sick you make me laugh.
I hope you feel better. I was never a good hocker either.
I first REALLY learned to "hock a loogie" after I had started smoking and got my first case of bronchitis!
Pleasant I know.
I never could do the dangle spit thing, my brothers could though. AND they could also GLEEK, which was a horrendous phase they went through. And if I did something wrong, they'd gleek on me!
I've never heard of that before. When I was a kid, I never spit out my toothpaste. I didn't know you were supposed to until I was 10 and went to summer camp and all the girls were spitting. It took some practice for me to get it right, and the scary thing is that I think I swallowed it for my first 10 years. Every once and a while I freak out that I'm going to have some kind of delayed-reaction toothpaste poisoning twenty years after the fact.
I can't spit, either! I also can't burp. I feel cheated.
"... and now my farts smell like I died" just made me laugh so hard like a crazy person.
First - OH MY GOD hahahahahha about the farts.
Second - I've had this horrible cough for the last 6 weeks. And I think its been so long bc I can't spit either! I've gotten a little better at it, but it's so gross!
All those years sitting next to the hacking Renaissance Man haven't taught you how to grumble deep down inside, loosen the phlegm, and gargle that hot sticky mess from out of your lungs?
I can launch a looger anywhere from 5 to 20 feet depending on consistency and amount of the phlegm. It's all about blowing out really hard and creating the right size escape cavity with your lips and tongue.
"And now my farts smell like I died."
I'm sorry, I really do feel bad for you, but this line? Just made me snort my coffee
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