An Open Letter to My Team in My Grad School Class:
You guys suck. How did you even get accepted into Graduate school? Going to graduate school implies that you had graduated from an undergraduate university with a bachelor's degree. This implies that you might be somewhat smart... but if not smart, at least that you're able to produce work.
I have yet to see any of the aforementioned qualities.
One of you works full-time. How do you maintain a job? You're an idiot. You don't seem to comprehend basic mathmatical equations. You bombed the first exam. You're a software programmer! You're supposed to be skilled in math. Skilled with logic. Skilled with ability to understand requirements and execute them. And yet - when I convey the high-level requirements of our project, you make me explain them to you in a thousand different ways. I've even drawn you pictures. YOU STILL DON'T GET IT. For god's sake, we're making a database of DOGS.
And you, the other one... YOU'RE HERE ON A FULL SCHOLARSHIP! How did you earn a scholarship? Maybe you are somewhat mentally handicapped and in that respect, you have come a long way. I don't think that you can medically be classified as handicapped. You're just dumb.
We've had 2 full months to at least begin working on our project. In these months, I have come up with the project, laid out a high-level design of the project, written the proposal AND the progress report. I've even cured cancer. Okay... not the last one but would you have noticed? No. You guys are turds.
Now we have 3 weeks left to work on a project that was supposed to take 3 months. When I ask you to help me solidify real detailed design, you don't get it. You don't understand anything.
I want to hit you. Then when you're on the ground recovering from my mighty blow, I'm going to poop on you. Then I'm going to wipe my butt with your velour track suit. And then I'll try to spit on you.
You guys suck.
Sincerely,
The most awesome business analyst ever
P.S. I just want to reitirate how dumb you guys are. When we're "brainstorming" what characteristics we should query on when selecting the best dog breed, don't call out "Gender". I'm pretty sure every breed of dog comes in female or male. Dumbass.
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5 comments:
You like the word "turd" a lot - I think it might be one of your favorite words. I'm sorry you're having such problems with your supposed "team":( It's the worst - that's why I was never a fan of the group projects!
I'm sorry they suck. :( I hate working in teams, because, like you, I always seem to end up doing most of the work and getting the least of the recognition.
haha...you said poop :)
Dear Grad School Team,
Shape up or Mrs. Twink will kick you in the vajayjay! And I'll help!
Dear Mrs. Twink,
We know we suck. We are lazy and our main purpose in life is to make your life miserable. I am surprised that we actually got admitted into the program, let alone that some of us have jobs. Who would hire us? We don't really care about the group, and in the end, we are just hoping that you will do all of the work for us.
Signed,
Every fucking retarded group that I ever worked with while earning my 3 masters degrees.
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